tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328451862024-03-05T22:17:26.198-07:00Confessions of a Former Ag MajorLife is never boring at my house. I am many things including, a mother of three boys (Chris-11, Sam-8, and Jake-7), a 4-H leader, an unschooler (because life itself is a classroom), a widow (Oct. 1, 2009), and sometimes an artist.Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.comBlogger201125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-6965383595490107572014-10-23T18:25:00.000-06:002014-10-23T18:28:14.715-06:00Last December...There was a long stretch of time, lasting from sometime last fall ,until late this summer, where I didn't have a working computer of my own. This means that I didn't blog about several important life events. :-) I'll slowly catch you all up on the happenings in our household.<br />
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The big (huge, earth-shattering, important, momentous, and epic) event that you should probably be aware of, is:<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">I GOT MARRIED!!!</span></div>
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I met, and then decided to marry, a wonderful man, named Jason. He has two boys. Together we have FIVE (yes, five, 5, FIVE) boys (no girls). I'm grateful that Jason puts up with our crazy. In return I try to feed him well. It works. Life is good.</div>
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We are kind of cute together.</div>
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As you can see, I am vastly outnumbered in this house full of testosterone.</div>
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:-) Best wedding picture, ever!</div>
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Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-20679752264134877282014-09-02T12:02:00.000-06:002014-09-02T12:10:10.381-06:00Things I wish I could say to new widows...Here's my list of things that I think widows should know about this new chapter in their lives:<br />
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1. You didn't die with your spouse. I know that it feels that way some days, but really, you are here and still breathing, so work on living. Go grocery shopping. Buy healthy food. Bathe (please). Wear decent clothes (if you have to fight too hard to stay out of the sweat pants, all day, every day, donate the sweats and buy yourself something comfy that looks decent). It's okay to have a couch/bed day every so often, just don't do it every day. Go outside. You aren't a mushroom. You need sunlight. It's important.<br />
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2. Other people's lives continue in a fairly normal manner. Even though it feels like your universe just imploded, other people might be sad for a moment, but on Monday morning they are going to work. They are making dinner for their families. They are attending scout meetings. They are caring for family members, and going out with friends. No one will be able to devote the same amount of time to caring for you that your spouse did... and to expect them to is to set yourself up for major disappointment.<br />
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3. This really sucks. That is the nicest, most socially acceptable word that I can come up with to describe a situation that you keep wishing is a nightmare, but instead is your new reality. There is no silver lining, no magical "positive" compensation to balance the suckiness of this time. It doesn't matter that somewhere in the world are people who actually have it worse than you do (have you seen the starving children in Africa?). Your experience, and your emotions matter. Don't let anyone marginalize what you are going through, because this isn't made less painful by comparing it to what other people are going through.<br />
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4. Misery and loss aren't a competition. We all lost someone we love. No one is unique in their love, and more tragically touched than any other widow/widower who ever existed. When those who have had this experience before you tell you that life eventually improves- believe them. They aren't just offering a trite phrase to make themselves feel better. The widows and widowers reaching out to tell you that the intense, horrible, all consuming feelings are going to become manageable, and eventually taper off enough for you to feel joy and pleasure again- we're reaching out because someone reached out to us and offered us hope. We saw others who experienced this journey who have happy lives now. Once we are in a positive place in our life, we want to offer you the same hope that got us through. It's hard to believe this in the beginning, but I PROMISE your future does hold joy.<br />
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5. It's not a silver lining, but do remember that now that your future plans have all changed, you have the ability to completely change the course of your life. Take some time, while learning this "new normal," and think about the things that make you happy and bring meaning to your life. Do you want to go back to school? Have you always wanted to volunteer? Do you enjoy traveling? It's so hard to come to terms with the knowledge that very little is the same as it was before you lost your spouse, and for me this was the denial phase of grief. I knew that my spouse was gone, but I didn't believe that my life wasn't going to continue exactly like it had... just minus my husband. It didn't. It couldn't. That was SO HARD, but once I quit raging at the universe and more time passed, I discovered that it was pretty nice planning new things for my future. This is a fork in the road, and you are now going down a different path. What kinds of things are you going to make sure are along this path? You get to chart a new map for your future. That might seem scary, but it's not bad, and you can make sure to include a lot of new experiences that will feed your soul.<br />
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You are still here, and you still matter. To quote Dr. Suess, "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know, and YOU are the one who'll decide where you go..."<br />
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<br />Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-44523538107442133222013-07-16T16:13:00.002-06:002013-07-16T16:27:08.444-06:004-H 2013We just finished putting together Chris and Sam's portfolios with all of their project records for this year. They go in on Thursday for their Interview Evaluations (no clue why I capitalized that, but somehow it looks wrong in lower case). I dread this week, every year. We COULD do a better job at keeping up the record books throughout the year... but... every year we scramble, pull out our baggie of receipts, and go through my phone to find all of our project meetings/events.<br />
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This is Sam's first year as a regular 4-H member (instead of a Cloverbud). He completed an Electricity project, Cavy project, and Breeding Sheep project. It's just a few years since Sam first became verbal, and so I've worried about how he's going to get through interview evaluations and showmanship, but so far he's doing a great job!<br />
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Sam was enrolled in Market Sheep, and weighed in a lamb, but a few days later we went out and it was gasping for air, and died about fifteen minutes later. I still think that he somehow collapsed his lungs... but I have no idea how/what happened. Luckily the lambs are insured through the market livestock sale committee and so he will get back $80 after the sale. The lamb cost $90, and we only fed it for about a week, so it's not a huge financial loss. He has had a hard time learning to handle sheep, so it might have been a blessing in disguise. When the lamb died, we quickly enrolled him in the breeding project and put him in charge of the ewe that I bought him two years ago. Sam has never been interested in the ewe, and so Chris had sort of absorbed her into his flock of ewes. Sam now goes out and throws hay twice a day and is always in charge of water. Luckily his ewe is incredibly gentle. We've lambed her, and handled her for two years now... so hopefully... Sam won't lose her during showmanship at the fair.<br />
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This Chris's fourth year as a regular 4-Her. He also spent four years as a Cloverbud. No wonder I feel as if we've been doing this forever! He completed Breeding Sheep, Market Sheep, and Cavy projects. He also did all the work for the Electricity project, but for some reason isn't wanting to complete the project and do an interview evaluation for it. We are still in negotiations about electricity.<br />
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This was Chris's first year lambing. He had three ewes bred (four if you count Sam's Brisca- who Chris was caring for throughout that time). Some very nice friends of ours volunteered to let us breed to their rams, and helped with all of the pre-breeding things like vaccinations. The ewes returned about three months later, fat and happy. We started really watching for lambs about the 11th of February. In the evening on the 17th Brisca's lambs had dropped (which means that there were hollows in her flanks and her belly was lower). Otherwise she looked normal at feeding time. I went out at 9:30, right before the kids went to bed, and found her at the feeding grounds with one lamb up and nursing. Chris and I moved her into a lambing jug inside the shop, and then evaluated her. She turned around and had a lamb head trying to come out. This is worrisome- because lambs present with their legs stretched forward and their heads tucked between them. Before we even had a chance to become alarmed- she delivered the second lamb, head first, legs back, no problems. I think if it had been one of the black face ewes we might have lost a lamb in that position, but Brisca pushed it out like nothing was unusual. She immediately cleaned that lamb and got it up and feeding. Wahoo! Successful lambing. Everyone else looked normal.<br />
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So... I woke up at about 4:30 (after checking sheep at 11:30, 1:30, and 3:30am). No one was scheduled to go look at sheep until 5:30... but I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about lambs, so I decided to go check anyway. Tulip was at the feeding ground with a HUGE ewe lamb on the ground. The lamb was mostly cleaned off, but still wet, and hadn't stood to eat yet. I moved her into the lambing jug and Tulip nicely followed along. Her jug didn't have water in it, or hay, so at that point I remembered that I have children for a reason and went inside to wake up Chris and send him to get her hay and water. I didn't tell him about the lamb, just that he needed to take water to the lambing jug (pen if you haven't figured that out yet). He went outside, half asleep.<br />
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A few minutes later he came in and said, "Mom, there's a lamb..." I told him that I had wanted to surprise him and so didn't tell him, and then asked if he'd given her water. He shook his head and repeated, "there's a lamb...on the feeding grounds. Is it Tulip's?" At that point I jumped up and we went back outside. As we left the house we heard a lamb on the west side of the shop. I asked him if there was a new lamb. He said he didn't know, but that the lamb he was talking about was on the feeding grounds. So... we stopped on the west side first, because, clearly, there was an unhappy lamb over there. We found a ewe lamb, still in the amniotic sac, covered in dirt. She was very... vocal, and kind of cold. I picked her up and we proceeded to the east side of the shop (and the feeding grounds). I could hear/see a lamb on that side, but all of the ewes were eating hay and ignoring it. We dropped the poor, dirty, cold lamb in the shop door and then went out to pick up the other and bring her and her mom inside so that we could set up a lambing jug for them.<br />
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When we returned to the feeding grounds Chris picked up the other lamb, I tracked down Rose (his Hampshire ewe) who still had membranes hanging behind her. Rose wanted nothing to do with being caught OR her lamb. It took us three hours to get her into the shop. I finally had to call my mother for help. After about an hour I was worried about the poor wet, cold lambs in the shop and went in and offered them to Tulip. It isn't unusual for a ewe to have triplets, but sometimes one of them needs a supplemental bottle. Tulip- who had delivered within half an hour of Rose, immediately took the lambs, cleaned them, and got them nursing. Whew! Everyone had colostrum! We went back to trying to catch Rose.<br />
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Mom came, we finally got her cornered by smashing her into the fence with another fence panel (Hamps are so very... Hampy). I dragged her into the shop. She still hadn't delivered the placenta (because she was running around like a crazy sheep instead of nursing her baby). On the feeding grounds my mother noticed an older placenta (Tulip delivered hers in the lambing pen, while we were trying to pin down Rose). So... we tracked down the big commercial black face ewe and discovered that she did have a tiny amount of discharge, but was was basically clean. We determined that she must be the mother of one of that morning's lambs. We led her into the shop (she's mostly Suffolk- much more cooperative than Hamps).<br />
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When shown the lambs, Sheepy (big black face ewe) tried to kill both of them. We tried to get her to nurse, but even cornered and not allowed to attack the lamb, she didn't have any milk letdown... and whenever the opportunity presented... she tried to kill her lamb (we decided that hers must be the one left in it's sac on the west side).<br />
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Rose didn't try to hurt the lambs, but wasn't even mildly interested in hers. She just wanted back outside. Eventually we put Rose and Sheepy into a large, makeshift pen inside the shop... about the size of two lambing jugs. Tulip still had the care of all three lambs, but we did get Rose to nurse one of them when we smooshed her into the corner and held one of her feet up so that she couldn't kick. We decided to leave the two ewes together (because we were confused about which lamb went to which ewe- we called their area, "The Pen of Shame") and then we left all three lambs with Tulip. Every few hours we would go back outside and try to get the other two ewes to nurse their lambs. By the next morning we turned Sheepy outside and declared her a "cull," meaning that she was destined for the sale. She still attacked lambs who tried to nurse on her. Rose would nurse when cornered and forced, so we kept her as a supplemental milk source and planned to continue letting Tulip care for all three lambs. I threw hay into Tulip's pen and knocked over one of the four lambs who were clustered around her. Feeling bad for the poor thing I reached in to help it up, realized it was wet... and well... there were FOUR lambs!<br />
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Apparently Tulip had another lamb, inside another placenta, and delivered it almost a whole day after she delivered the first lamb. He was healthy and perfect, and had already nursed. So... Tulip was raising four lambs, which is quite a lot, even for a really good ewe.<br />
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We returned to the shop every two hours to force Rose to nurse two of the lambs. We didn't care which lambs, just picked up whichever two looked hungriest. After about five days Rose would see us coming and stick her own head in the corner. A couple days later she would stand there with her head in the corner and her foot lifted. The day after that we tried her with the lambs without our assistance. She still wasn't interested in them... but she let them nurse and didn't hurt them. For another day we went out every two hours and put the smallest two lambs in with Rose (Tulip's lambs were much larger than the lambs of the other two ewes).<br />
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FINALLY, we opened the lambing pens and made a large pen (the size of four lambing pens) where we left Rose and Tulip for another three days, mixing them and their lambs, and making sure that everyone got enough to eat. At that point- we decided to risk letting them outside with the rest of the ewes and the yearling lambs we had kept from last year (for eating).<br />
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Things went smoothly with all of the lambs from that point forward. Tulip mothered all four black face lambs. Rose would let anything nurse on her that tried. Brisca easily, and quietly, raised her twins... with no interference from us (I kind of love Dorsets).<br />
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Early this summer Chris had the opportunity to purchase a Navajo Churro ewe and her lamb. They are a three purpose breed, used for food, fiber, and milk. They are also horned, and have a very unique wool. Chris has been enthralled with them for five or six years now. He's really excited to try raising some of his own.<br />
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Each of the boys, including Jake will be showing cavies at the fair. Sam and Jake have had crossbred pet sows for a couple of years now. Chris acquired a pair of Peruvians from some friends in our homeschool co-op. The kids have had fun taking care of their own pigs, and it's been interesting seeing how they interact with each other. Cavies are pretty neat critters.<br />
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Brisca's lambs. Good Brisca.</div>
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Tulip, on the morning I noticed she had FOUR babies. Tulip earned her home here for life.</div>
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Sheepy and Rose in the Pen Of Shame. Bad Sheep. BAD sheep.</div>
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Treasure and Prisey, the Navajo Churro additions to our family.</div>
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Treasure, looking beautiful.</div>
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Chris with Nasturtium. She was born in May of 2012, so we thought she was too young to breed last fall. She looks good now, though!</div>
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Sam with his Dorset ewe, Brisca. She is Nasturtium's aunt. She's been a great sheep for Sam.</div>
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Jake, examining fiber from the Navajo Churro</div>
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RC and Kiera</div>
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Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-48554601992517393042013-02-27T16:52:00.000-07:002013-02-27T16:52:10.892-07:00We have been part of a homeschool co-op for several years now. Anyone who still reads my blog might remember that I've mentioned the co-op before. :-) We think of it as our homeschool family. My kids love going, and I have learned more from the other moms than my children have learned in their classes (and they've had some really good classes). We love it there. It is "home" to us.<br />
<br />
Today, in my email messages, I found an email from one of our directors.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Dear Families, </span><div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
Thank you for a great 5 years. I have enjoyed working with you and getting to know you and your children. We have had some great classes and opportunities. At this time, I have decided I am no longer willing to be a director for this program after the current term ends. I would like to find someone to help Patty, at least to finish out spring term. At this point, I don't know if we would be willing to attend spring term as regular participants or not or if I am just completely done with it. But I do know that I am no longer enjoying all of the behind the scenes work that goes into making co-op successful. Co-op is no longer an enjoyable day that I come home from refreshed and ready to tackle the rest of my homeschool week. It has become draining and exhausting, which tells me it is time to pass the reigns to someone else. I know we have many wonderful talented women in this group and hopefully one or more of you are willing to step up and help. I will bring my notes for spring classes on Thursday to pass on to someone to use or not use as you see fit. In addition the figuring out classes and schedules and classrooms, you will need to update the website each term, orient new families, stay to help clean up, and handle any "issues" each week. It can be and has been an enjoyable and rewarding way to serve the homeschool community and meet new people.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
If you have questions about what the role entails, feel free to contact me. If you want to volunteer, you can contact me or email Patty directly. </div>
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Thank you for all you have taught me and my kids. Hopefully the friendships we have made can continue.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
Sincerely, </div>
</blockquote>
I understand where she's coming from. This is, and has been, such an integral part of our year (and our social life), but it HAS become exhausting and draining. It seems as if there is more work than joy a lot of weeks. This term I'm in a classroom for three out of four hours and don't see much of the other moms at all. BECAUSE I'm in a classroom for most of the day (and setting up a classroom during most of the lunch hour), I don't know how the rest of the moms feel or what they're dealing with this term. Is everyone feeling overwhelmed with work and lacking in fellowship?<br />
<br />
It feels like there. are. so. MANY. complaints. I feel like I'm always whining about something. Nothing "feels" the same anymore. We had to find a new facility- and it feels different. We have a few more kids- and that feels different. We've had a change of leadership- and that feels different. We've added more electives- and that feels different. We're cold all the time- and, well, that is familiar. We were cold at the other church too.<br />
<br />
Are we really complaining more than we ever have before? Are there more problems than we've dealt with any other term? As a whole, are we unhappier than we have been other years?<br />
<br />
Let me go out on limb here and guess that the answer is no. Personally, I am more tired and overwhelmed with life in general. Every person in our group has a life outside of co-op. It's easy to forget that, especially when we are having a hard time keeping our own heads above water and meeting the needs of our families. Some of our members have lost family members this year. Others have had very full work schedules that they juggle on top of caring for families and homeschooling. Some of us struggle with health issues.<br />
<br />
In past years I have felt that co-op is something that I do for me, as well as for my family. We started coming because I felt it was good for the kids... but we stayed because I fell in love with the moms. :-) We have some awesome and amazing moms. When my husband died, it was our co-op family who supported us and provided community, allowing us to be pretty darned strange while we were healing. Visiting and laughing with the other moms saved my sanity on more than one occasion.<br />
<br />
This term I don't have that. It makes me wonder how many other moms are missing the same thing. It doesn't feel like we are one big family. Because of my schedule it seems like most of my interactions with a lot of the moms involve expressing complaints, or accepting suggestions for improving my teaching skills. It's really easy to get prickly about those complaints/suggestions because... that's all I'm hearing. It's easy to think that everyone is unhappy... because unhappiness is what I'm hearing. In reality, I don't think that there are proportionately more complaints this year. I THINK that what is really missing is the positive interactions that refill my cup. We aren't all giggling the corner somewhere at some point during the day. I don't know what's going on with the other moms, even the ones I'm close to, unless one of us calls on the phone... and how many of us spend much time talking on the phone? I realize that we are supposed to be doing this for our kids... and we are... but, the moms need to come away from the day with something other than a tension headache and a list of things that they need to do better next week.<br />
<br />
Maybe I am isolated in feeling this way. I over committed my time and that's my own fault. But... what if I'm not the only one FEELING isolated? What if we're all a little on edge because we aren't connecting like we used to? What if everyone feels a little judged because the only interaction they get with the majority of our members is to discuss what is wrong, instead of what is right?<br />
<br />
If I feel this way... how do our directors feel? You know when you're young... that seems like a prestigious job. It seems like there should be some glamour, or glory, or at least power to be had by filling that position. Yeah, there isn't. It's hard work. It requires someone who is capable of balancing all of the strong personalities within our group. It's not a good thing when one of our most competent and diplomatic moms ends her resignation letter by saying that she hopes the friendships she and her family have made can continue.<br />
<br />
As individuals we are doing something wrong and we need to do better. The difficult question is: WHAT can we do differently?Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-55898887350024527832012-10-01T12:29:00.001-06:002012-10-01T12:29:10.731-06:00October 1, 2012<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/NJWIbIe0N90" width="560"></iframe>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-17613840919535631052012-08-31T12:01:00.002-06:002012-08-31T12:01:59.340-06:00Illness, Loss, and InconvenienceRecently we welcomed into our home an ancient dog who had to be re-homed when her family moved. Technically she is a "long term guest," and will return to her family if/when they find a house with a yard where she can be healthy and happy. She's adorable and really not any trouble (because- did I mention she's ancient?). Today she is much more her normal self and we've discovered that she talks (woo woo woo... very softly, like she's having a conversation with you). She is mostly deaf, but responds if she can see your hands and she is socializing well with the other two dogs who were already part of our family.<br />
<br />
Watching the dogs interact today reminded me that it wasn't long ago that I debated the wisdom of keeping the puppy, Aztec. He got very sick when he was a young puppy (along with two others in his litter) and now he continues to puke all over the place and wheezes when he's stressed (either physically or mentally). The last time I took him to the vet we discovered that he was completely healthy (which I'd expected)... so we did some chest x-rays. It turns out that he most likely has a para-myocardial arch (blood vessels from the heart wrap around the esophagus and cause restriction in the esophagus). He also has a mega-esophagus as a result of the arch. The mega-esophagus means that his esophagus (the tube that carries food from the mouth to stomach) doesn't work the way it should (muscle movements that carry the food downward) and it has created a wider place where food tends to settle (instead of emptying into the stomach).<br />
<br />
When I heard what the vet was thinking my first thought was, "I wonder if we should just put him down right now?" Closely following that first thought was, "Oh my goodness, I can't stand any more puke all over the place! My back hurts from cleaning the carpet as it is!" Then... I looked at him. He was sitting on the exam table, completely happy. Happy puppy with a strange rattling sound in his throat, but totally trusting, totally happy... and healthy (just not perfect). Of course, right then and there I committed to doing my best to seeing that he remains happy and healthy (and imperfect).<br />
<br />
One of the traits I like least about myself since Dave died is that I'm scared that I'm not strong enough to handle severe illness or loss of anyone else that I love. Even the thought of losing someone close to me makes my body feel the same shocky way that it did when I found Dave the night that he died. I really question whether I'm strong enough to go through that (or anything even similar to it) again.<br />
<br />
Right now I have more than one friend fighting life threatening battles. Even THINKING about it makes that anxiety rise (not slowly like bread, or leisurely like air bubbles in water... but rapidly and violently, like a bullet out of a gun) to the surface. It creates ripples that invade every corner of my brain. My first thought was that maybe I should just distance myself.. save some pain. Certainly I have already lived through enough pain in my life and no one would blame me if I just "forgot" what was happening.<br />
<br />
Then... I look at Sierra and Aztec. They are strong. I don't have to be. They're the ones in our house who are ill or old. I love them. I help them in whatever ways I can. I feed them, clean up after them, and enjoy every bit of companionship they offer. If one of them dies, or leaves (since Sierra very well could return to her family) I will be ok. It would be much more painful to live in this moment, fearing that loss, and denying the love and companionship we can share RIGHT NOW.<br />
<br />
I know that they're "only" dogs, but I think that the timing with both of them is perhaps meant to be a message and a lesson for me. It's ok that I don't like illness and death affecting my loved ones. Those things will happen whether I'm ok with it or not. It's ok that I question whether I'm strong enough to deal with new situation.<br />
<br />
Dave was not the only person in his family to die young of a heart attack, in fact there have been way too many of his cousins who share the same fate. One of his cousins was visiting with me not too long ago. He expressed how much he valued his time with his wife and kids and then he said something like this: My family don't live a long time, but we have FULL lives. We have rich lives because we know that they may not be LONG lives.<br />
<br />
Make your days count, every day. Don't run (or even walk slowly, careful not to make eye contact and draw notice) away from situations that might not (or definitely won't) end well. Avoiding pain, because it will hurt (duh) will decrease the fullness of life. It will spend part of the richness in a way that gains you nothing... and so... old dogs, and chronically ill dogs will remain in my home and I will love them... because what is today about, if not loving those who mean something to me? We will let tomorrow take care of itself when it gets here.Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-83289750689620822202012-06-05T10:33:00.001-06:002012-06-05T10:33:52.085-06:00June:-) It's been another month and time for another update.<br />
<br />
Life at our house is settling into a more livable rhythm. Our homeschool co-op is out until next September. 4-H is gearing up for fair (only about six weeks away, yikes!). The kids appointments have now become more streamlined so that I can get everything out of the way within an hour instead of spending most of a day in town. <br />
<br />
The sheep are looking fabulous. This year Chris bought lambs from a family who we've known forever. They're gorgeous little lambs and the whole experience of going out to choose them was something that the kids really enjoyed. The family set up viewing times for each potential customer. After we got our time we got another call from them inviting us to join them for lunch. The kids in their family helped Chris select his lambs... and I'm pretty sure he listened better to them about what he's looking for than he ever has to me. It was a very enjoyable afternoon.<br />
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We still have one market lamb from last year who hasn't been butchered. This week we have some friends coming out to help us butcher him ourselves. I'm still not entirely convinced that I'm going to love this... but it is MUCH less expensive than sending him to a packing plant and the people who volunteered to help have a lot of experience. Hmm... I wonder if I should invite my 4-H kids over for that event.<br />
<br />
Our puppies have all gone to their new families. I miss having them all here. We did keep Aztec, who was the largest puppy in the litter. He was the kids' favorite. Aztec is going to be a new adventure for us. The plan is to get him a vest and train him as a service dog. My hope is that if I can get him working with Chris it will help Chris be able to go to camps and leadership retreats without me. So far the puppy has been exactly what we want... except... he barks. His mother never barks without a very good reason. Aztec is chatty. He likes to talk to us. When he's bored and wants someone to play... he barks. If he's outside and wants in... he barks. If he needs to pee... well, that's a good time to bark. I think I'm about to get him some harness bells to hang on the inside and outside doors and see if we can train him to use tools rather than barking for some things. He is incredibly smart, and incredibly mellow. The puppy's favorite people (other than our family) seem to be toddler boys. He likes when they pull his ears and use him for balance. He likes the screaming joy they exhibit (which probably is a lot like his chatty barking thing, in his eyes). All in all, I am VERY pleased with the dog and his behavior.<br />
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The boys are getting a little adventurous now that we have less school oriented things going on. I should spend some time putting together lessons and activities for them... because they keep inventing their own and that sometimes doesn't end well. Yesterday they made salt dough. They've made it before... somehow they decided they didn't need the recipe this time... and they didn't ask for help. Yeah, so... I should get off the computer and go continue scraping stuff off the kitchen floor.Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-10686547259833367512012-05-08T12:02:00.001-06:002012-05-08T12:02:12.147-06:00MayIt's been a month since my last post, so it must be time to write something new!<br />
<br />
The past couple of months have been really hard, really long months. My kids have had some issues with sleep, sickness, and general well being. Our sheep lambed and we lost one ewe lamb, then a month later had a yearling ewe (with twins) prolapse, and then go down with pneumonia and die. It has been many, many years since I have had so little sleep and things got a bit scary around here. Sleep is not to be overrated.<br />
<br />
During the hardest parts of the last month I did realize that part of the reason things hit me so hard when I wasn't able (not allowed, emergency disrupted, solo parenting) to sleep was because in a lot of ways I still have a public face and a private face- and when I'm exhausted I can't maintain the division between the two. I also spend a lot of time meeting other people expectations (yes, believe it or not- I'm kind of sucky at it, but I DO work to meet other people's expectations).<br />
<br />
I don't ask for help meeting my own needs until I am so overwhelmed that everything comes out as rage. That's not a good way to get your needs met. That's a great way to lose relationships. On the positive side- it does show you who your real friends are, because they just blink at you and tell you to go take a nap. It's a great way to sort out the people who are only nice because they're polite.Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-85506478690991462572012-04-09T07:23:00.006-06:002012-04-09T07:57:09.112-06:00He wants to be normal.We survived another holiday. It was rocky, and at times unpleasant, but we survived. <div><br /></div><div>Chris can't eat artificial food coloring. Let me repeat that. Chris can't eat artificial food coloring. Well, to be truthful, he CAN eat it. It only requires opening his mouth, putting the food in, chewing, and swallowing. He CAN eat slugs or sheep poop too, and they'd be healthier for him. There are times when temptation overwhelms him and he DOES eat a piece of candy that's colored. We all pay for it when that happens.</div><div><br /></div><div>Allergies cause histamine responses. That's how you define something as an allergy. Chris isn't allergic to food dye. It doesn't make him swell up. It doesn't affect his breathing. It doesn't cause hives. I wish he was allergic to dye, because that would be easier to deal with. Instead, Chris has a neurological response to food dye. He doesn't have a hard time breathing. He does wake up screaming. He does sit and rock. He does pick at his skin, his clothing, his nails, and his hair. He does get very anxious and worry incessantly about things outside his control. He does feel unreasonable fear. He does go days without sleeping. He does voice the opinion that he would rather be dead than feel like this. He does strike out physically when overwhelmed by the physical sensations caused by dye... but he's not allergic. He's also not faking or trying to get attention. Food dye makes him miserable, and it makes him miserable every time. </div><div><br /></div><div>Chris is ten years old. He still gets excited about holidays and treats. Sweets are exciting to him. Surprises still hold the power to captivate and delight him... except... almost every surprise someone has put together for him is FULL of food dye. Chris is his father's son. He LOVES candy and goodies. He reminds me so much of Dave in that way.</div><div><br /></div><div>He's ten. I know that he needs to learn to be graceful and not resentful when he can't participate when his brothers and cousins get candy. I know that he needs to be graceful and not resentful when he can't eat dessert. I know that he needs to be graceful and not resentful and not even mention that he CAN'T eat something- because good manners are about making other people feel comfortable, and reminding everyone that you can't eat what they are trying to give you makes them uncomfortable. He's ten. He wants to participate. He wants to get treats when the other kids get treats. He wants to be normal.</div><div><br /></div><div>Wait. He wants to be normal. Did you hear that? He wants to be normal. He isn't making up a problem in order to get attention. He wants to be normal. He isn't being snobbish or rude when he can't eat treats that other people bring. He wants to be normal. He isn't being difficult. He wants to be normal. He is trying his hardest to be fun, and cooperative, and polite. More than anything in the world- he WANTS to be normal.</div><div><br /></div><div>As much as I try to shield Chris from the more unpleasant sides of human behavior, the message he is hearing is that there is something wrong with who he is. As hard as he tries, he behaves differently than other kids. He tries SO hard to act like other kids. If you don't live in his house, you have no idea how hard he tries to not be autistic. He wants to be, and do, and think like other kids. He wants to eat candy with other kids. Making him MORE aware of how different he can be does NOT help. Food color is a simple thing to avoid... if you watch for it. But it's one more thing about Chris that is different. This is a battle that he can't win. He'll try to eat what everyone else is eating- in order to not be different. He pays for it later. I pay for it later. Our whole house pays for it later, because the dye causes real problems... if anyone is skeptical, they are welcome to spend the night after he's decided it's more important to be "normal" than it is to avoid dye. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm starting to hate holidays because the message society sends is that everyone is supposed to be happy. Every activity seems to be centered around food. The food in our house is safe for Chris to eat, but anywhere else we go (with the exception of our homeschool group) Chris winds up sitting out while every other kid gets excited about candy. Games, have candy as rewards. Easter eggs, are filled with candy. Desserts... usually filled with artificial color. Sure, the company is excellent! We have awesome family and friends who are fun to hang out with... but... Chris is ten. He's still maturing. It is NOT fun for him to watch the other kids having fun while he can't participate.... and he sees no point in participating when the reward is something that he can't have. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-16451442077156388442012-02-11T12:09:00.002-07:002012-02-11T12:17:59.144-07:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdFQlVEslDaafVut1AWsMQMqp5VzGmDhoE086s0dKn949jIcghIA8wcVcEdjIcq1dvqJecXudCUIauTPDd3XcTSAQonpLRVRoAALbfyKn4JCn0B8i9oz17Zjts8pWQxb61x81paA/s1600/shopsmith.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdFQlVEslDaafVut1AWsMQMqp5VzGmDhoE086s0dKn949jIcghIA8wcVcEdjIcq1dvqJecXudCUIauTPDd3XcTSAQonpLRVRoAALbfyKn4JCn0B8i9oz17Zjts8pWQxb61x81paA/s400/shopsmith.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5707957466574427826" /></a><br /><div>This is the most recent addition to our family. It's a Shopsmith from the 1950's. I wanted to cut 2 feet off of about six boards... and I hate running the circular saw (yeah, it's a quirk). The motor of our table saw died a couple years ago and my little cutting projects have just been piling up (because for some reason I won't get out the circular saw and get them done). When I wanted to go shopping for a table saw a friend suggested that I check the pawn shops first. I checked. They had nothing I wanted... then... I looked on craigslist. This shopsmith showed up in my search for "table saw." My grandfather always wanted a shopsmith. That was my first thought. My second thought was, "wow, that's about $100 less than buying the table saw I like, if I buy a new table saw." Yeah, you know I had to purchase it. This one came with all the accessories to use it as a table saw, drill press, lathe, and shaper/router. I need to buy an attachment to use it as a disc sander (I'm currently shopping for the attachment).</div><div><br /></div><div>My entire house and shop is full of projects. There are things I've started and not finished. There are projects I've purchased materials for and not started. There are many things in need of repair... and then there are the sewing projects which also share shop space with the tools. It's not like I NEED more to do here. Something about this tool called me. It feels right, as if it's going to be important somehow. I ordered a new owner's manual for the Shopsmith V (the V being because it is five tools in one), a series of 10 self directed woodworking lessons, and a book about woodworking in general. This is MY homeschooling for the spring. I WILL learn how to work this machine and get it up and running. My goal: to build a bar for use out in the shop. Everyone should have a multi-use workshop/sewing room/party space, right?</div>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-37835004491010572862012-01-14T16:24:00.003-07:002012-01-14T16:36:53.738-07:00UpdateI haven't written here in a long time. Sometimes I wonder if I still want to. Facebook may be to blame for my apathy about blogging. I can type out a quick status update and be done with it. <div><br /></div><div>This has been an interesting fall/winter. Hard to believe that Dave died more than 2 years ago. We just had our third Christmas without him. That still sucks beyond belief. I think that Christmas Eve night is my own little hell on Earth. Other than that- things have been pretty good.</div><div><br /></div><div>Chris is ten years old now. He's getting tall and his feet are WAY bigger than mine. They're only half a size smaller than his dad's feet were. He's so helpful around the house. Because of his size and strength he can move and fix things that I wouldn't have been able to tackle by myself. It's hard to remember sometimes that I don't have to do everything alone anymore. He likes to help and has a knack for "tinkering" that reminds me of his dad. Chris's sheep flock is doing well. He has three ewes who were marked when we took them to breed. We're hoping that translates into six spring lambs... but, lambs, like chickens, should not be counted before they're on the ground.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sam turned seven last summer. He's tall and strong and still climbs everything in sight. His speech is finally more intelligible and the boy has interesting things to say. He also has a love of the television and all things electronic. He is the boy I have to drag kicking and screaming into the sunlight. Zowie got bred last week so we are expecting spring puppies. I think I may turn that responsibility over to Sam. He needs some encouragement to work hard and working with animals seems to be one of his biggest talents. Sam's other real talent is cooking. He loves to help in the kitchen and I have to sneak in baking time when he's asleep if I don't want company in the kitchen.</div><div><br /></div><div>Jake is now six. He's funny, and amazing, and a pain in the rear- all at the same time. He's the kid who is most like me. That's not always a good thing. His wry observations make me laugh. The boy's sense of humor is twisted and wrong (which just makes us laugh harder). He's hard to discipline because it's so hard not to laugh at him. He was a spontaneous reader, but it's hard to get him to buckle down and practice. He loves getting together with friends and has never met a stranger. He is eager to help with anything and everything. Jake also loves to sing and has been trying to teach himself to play guitar. That's a sight to see, since the guitar is larger than he is.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm still doing the same old stuff. We still homeschool. We still have some deficits and excel in other areas. Grandma is amazing and active at 90 years of age. She is great company and offers wise advice (when I'm patient and wise enough to listen). For the most part I love my life and realize how blessed I am to get to be with the people I love, doing what I like, almost every day of my life. </div><div><br /></div>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-74544283699949165312011-08-22T19:56:00.004-06:002011-08-22T20:28:05.976-06:00Priorities<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 67, 135); font-family: arial; font-size: medium; ">" A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."<i>
<br />- Arabian Proverb</i></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; background-color: rgb(192, 161, 84); "><div>
<br /></div><div>What is normal friendship development? How often do you hear from your friends? How often should you expect them to want to get together? I know that every relationship is different. I know that people's schedules and ability to give to a relationship change over time. We all get busy with work and other activities and when we do have a chance to be home- we want to veg, not catch up with friends we haven't seen in a while. I am not a giving, present friend 100% of the time.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>It's been so long since I've really made new friends. I've made very casual friends. They're the people who I hang out with on occasion and rarely seek out. We run into each other or someone has a wild hare and schedules a get together. We don't talk every day. We don't make it a point to get together and have dinner every month or two. We might purposely see each other a couple of times a year.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>I think the problem is that I'm missing my best friend. The one who was always here. The one who wanted to hear me bitch about the stupid stuff every day. The one who would dance around the living room with me when I heard a song I liked. The one who would put spending time with me above everything else in his life. Yeah, that guy.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>Amy's my other best friend. She also listens to the stupid stuff I complain about on a daily basis. She has never danced around the living room with me- although she did once wear my bra stuffed with socks. WE make spending time together a priority- when she's in town- which isn't often. I love hearing from her. I love listening to her complain about the stupid stuff that's bothering her in her day. I love hearing her speak about the things that excite her.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>I don't have a best friend in my town, let alone in my house, anymore. Amy is awesome, she really is. But she's not the same as having a best friend in my house who partners me in life. Am I possibly at the point where it's time to put my toes back in the pool and open myself to the idea that there's another man out there who can be that friend, lover, and partner that I want?</div><div>
<br /></div><div>The shallow relationships that I've maintained here locally (of the male type- my girls ALWAYS have my back!)- they're annoying the hell out of me. They've been annoying me for a couple of months now. I don't want to be an afterthought. I want to be important in someone's life. I miss having a partner. I miss having a lover. I miss having someone to take care of, and think about, and do things for and with. Of course I miss Dave... but this is something more and different. I think that I may be ready to make room in my life for someone new to be that partner, lover, and friend. Maybe. Or maybe I get so irritable and annoyed because I'm not ready? Eh, what the hell... next month is going to be about exploring and trying to do something positive with my social life. I'm open to ideas and suggestions (and set ups- hint, hint). </div><div>
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<br /></div></span>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-61811085952473105802011-08-09T21:44:00.001-06:002011-08-09T21:44:32.905-06:00Remember Me<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/bLyKEToqME0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-25823034665181326192011-08-09T00:03:00.003-06:002011-08-09T00:24:57.037-06:00Interesting Revelations that could only happen during a county fair...<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px; "><table class="uiInfoTable mtm profileInfoTable" style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-collapse: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; width: 483px; "><tbody><tr><th class="label" style="text-align: center;padding-top: 3px; padding-right: 8px; padding-bottom: 1px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: top; color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-weight: bold; width: 80px; line-height: 15px; ">
<br /></th></tr></tbody></table></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 15px; ">That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the task itself has become easier, but that our ability to perform it has improved. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px; "><table class="uiInfoTable mtm profileInfoTable" style="margin-top: 10px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-collapse: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; width: 483px; "><tbody><tr><td class="data" style="font-size: 11px; text-align: left; padding-top: 3px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 1px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: top; line-height: 15px; ">
<br /></td></tr></tbody></table></span></div>I learned something important during the fair this year. I like being single. Shocking, yes?<div>
<br /></div><div>I feel like I need to add a disclaimer here: I would never have chosen to live my life without Dave- if anyone had given me a choice. In no way am I saying that I'm happy he's gone or that my life is better without him. Neither of those statements are true. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>What I am saying is: I like being single. I like my life. I like not answering to anyone else. I like being the one who decides how to allocate resources. I like knowing that it doesn't matter if I make it home for dinner or not. If the kids are with me we can do whatever sounds good at that moment in time. If we want to stay late at the fair, there's no one missing us at home. If I want to wake up at the last minute and make the kids eat a granola bar in the car for breakfast- no one's going to criticize.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>During the course of this year we've bought a lot of sheep. Well, we bought 8 sheep. That's a lot for us. I picked them all up with the horse trailer. Then I drove them to weigh-in... and sheep meetings... and the fair. If you've never pulled a trailer, or if you've always pulled a trailer, that might not seem like anything special. I haven't really driven with a trailer in about 18 years. I've kind of forgotten how to back up a trailer without jack knifing. It's also kind of interesting to hitch a trailer, not difficult, just interesting. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>As I was backing into the driveway with the trailer on the night of fair check-in, I realized that I was incredibly happy and peaceful, both at the same time. We'd completed our 4-H year. The kids were doing well. Every place we'd needed to be- we made it. Stuff was ready to go for the show the next day. The kids were ready for the show the next day. I BACKED the trailer off the road, down over the drainage ditch, and into the driveway by the shop. Then I unhitched the trailer, sent the dog to the house, said goodnight to the llama (who I'd tracked down, tried to purchase, and transported the week before), got in the suburban to pull around to the front of the house... and realized... I was HAPPY! And a large part of the reason I was happy... was because I'd done hard things... and I'd done them by myself. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>The boys were with me. I can't say that they didn't help- they did. People in our 4-H club helped, of course they did. But really- I did this. I got my family through the 4-H year. I managed the meetings. I figured out how to feed the kids dinner on the go for the nights we needed to be on the other side of the valley by 6:30. I bought the suburban so that we would have a vehicle that will haul a trailer. I arranged for Chris to buy sheep. I took him to buy sheep. I paid for some of the sheep. I arranged to have feed delivered. I encouraged Chris to go out every day, multiple times a day, and take care of his lambs. I drove us to all of the meetings, and workshops, and practices that the kids needed to learn and grow. I re-educated myself on how to BACK UP that darned trailer! For all of the details that had to be worked out, big stuff, small stuff, seemingly inconsequential stuff... it got done. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>I can do hard things. I can even do them with grace (sometimes). I can make things that used to be hard seem easy because my skills have improved. It feels good.</div><div>
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<br /></div></div>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-5917934861501343622011-08-08T23:35:00.002-06:002011-08-08T23:58:51.244-06:00Canyon County Fair 2011<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfC9GAeZAh6tW5rl1w4YwjXuLMGmyNjG5OF4QYwJWcwKgW-i3zY8GCKod6D_PTX_pFegnFNzdRZ5iFoKlUMg75ErUT1z-tt7m1OuIo3v6s1BkcXjtaOzpfDDl2zam2UHkCZH-Q6Q/s1600/Photo1246.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfC9GAeZAh6tW5rl1w4YwjXuLMGmyNjG5OF4QYwJWcwKgW-i3zY8GCKod6D_PTX_pFegnFNzdRZ5iFoKlUMg75ErUT1z-tt7m1OuIo3v6s1BkcXjtaOzpfDDl2zam2UHkCZH-Q6Q/s400/Photo1246.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5638725850549974450" /></a>I'm a horrible mom and took hardly any pictures of the fair this year. I'm sure that I have more pictures on my camera- but not really very many of them. This picture is of Chris slick shearing his own lamb a couple of days before we checked into the fair. He did a great job. His leader, Claudia, and I helped smooth things out a little, but he did most of the work himself.<div>
<br /></div><div>The little boys both showed pygmy goats this year. They had a great time walking them around the goat barn and keeping their water bucket full. There's just something about little boys and water. Both of them did all right in the show ring- considering they were milling around for about 45 minutes while we waited for the judge to come back from her break. Then they lined all the little kids up on the pavement in the sun and had them stand there for a few minutes before letting them enter the show ring. By that time- none of the kids were practicing their best showmanship skills. A good time WAS had by all... and Sam did NOT lie down and play with the grass in the arena this year! Overall, that's an improvement!</div><div>
<br /></div><div>Chris showed two market lambs and two ewe lambs. He slick sheared one and a half of his own sheep. TJ, the teen leader for our project, Claudia, and I sheared the others. This was the first time either Chris or I had tried using the slick shearing clippers. They're nice. I think we should budget to purchase our own set next year.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>The lambs did fairly well. Chris got blue ribbons on everything. He is the world's slowest pen cleaner. I just have to say, it was painful to watch- so, I'd usually go hang out in the tack stall behind the barn :-) This was the laziest I've ever been at a fair. I did make sure everyone got where they were supposed to be on time, but the kids did their own work. That's the way it's supposed to be, that's the way it was. Nice. That's all I can say :-) NICE. Even the handing off of sheep and putting on of halters as Chris exited the arena and had to go right back in with a different sheep- a kid helped with that (thanks, Katelyn!). </div><div>
<br /></div><div>We have some of the nicest families in our 4-H club. It was a joy watching and listening to them as they worked throughout the week. Some of the teens got a little bit grumpy as the days progressed and the lack of sleep was compounded. They were still awesome. I didn't hear a single parent complain about the judging or berate their kiddo for anything that happened in the show arena. We're blessed to be part of such a supportive, positive group of people.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>This is the first year Jake's been old enough to show. He was VERY proud to have the opportunity to take Willow the pygmy goat. Willow was born in 2003. Showing him has become a family tradition. Each boy has gotten to take him to the fair the first year they show. The really funny part of that is that Willow is a pain in the butt to show. He also weighs about twice as much as the little boys do. Willow's big goal for the past four fairs has been to visit the expo building- on the other side of the fairgrounds. Whenever he sees it, he takes off running... and Jake can just run along with him or let go... he CAN'T stop him! It's pretty funny. All the people in the area panic and run to catch the wild goat. Little do they know that like any good dog, he'll eventually come back. It does make it challenging to actually show him when the showman only weighs 40 pounds though.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>Sam took a yearling doeling of Mom's to show this year. She'd been to a show or two, but hadn't really been handled all that much. When we started working with her (and I use the term work very loosely, pygmy goats didn't really register on my list of important prep work for fair) she would barely walk on a leash. By the time she came home she was a friendly, little thing. She also walked well on her leash and learned to follow the boys and Willow even without a leash. I like her a lot (shh... don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to maintain). She did run across the arena, dragging Sam, but all in all, they did pretty well together.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>It was an awesome fair. Even though I didn't take many pictures it is still a fair that I'm sure will live on in our memories. We came. We had fun. It was a success!</div>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-74794978430411692472011-08-02T18:45:00.004-06:002011-08-02T18:56:58.656-06:00Breathe<div><iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/xWYRfsjBNQk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></div><div><br /></div>For some reason today I feel like I can't breathe... and on top of that I have more than my fair share of bitchiness. I'm trying to keep it to myself, but it's spilled over onto other people more than once today. I hate feeling like this. It's that strange, emotion moving under the skin feeling. My filter's not totally gone- but it's shredding a little. I'm not sure what to do to bring everything back into alignment and find my peace again. I'm hoping that it's just exhaustion and that once I get some more good rest my normal good mood will return. In the meantime- I just need to work on only letting the nice words come out of my mouth :-) which is much easier said than done.<br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-54488409116825963792011-07-26T00:11:00.006-06:002011-07-26T00:29:18.425-06:00Really bad poetry- you've been warned."Tis the night before fair and all through the house,<div>our belongings are strung amid mess, socks, and sawdust.</div><div>The club banner and name signs reside </div><div>on the suburban front seat</div><div>beneath the sheep cards, shears and rakes.</div><div><br /></div><div>The laundry is strewn like dandelion fluff,</div><div>trailing through the kitchen and into the hall.</div><div>Kids are asleep still wearing their boots.</div><div>(They've been warned that I don't care if they wear thongs on their feet- my job's to make sure they don't forget the sheep).</div><div><br /></div><div>Dining's not an option at the dining room table.</div><div>Archaeological digs might find layers of paper, glue, felt, stickers, and lotion (don't ask).</div><div>Our poor dog is lost in all the commotion. </div><div>The kitchen remodel is coming along. </div><div>Luckily, food's not a priority, there are more important tasks.</div><div><br /></div><div>Thank goodness record books were due early.</div><div>Now if only we can keep them looking neat and pretty </div><div>Until they reach the club display booth.</div><div>Things feel way too in control tonight-</div><div>Surely something remains to be done, but for now... I'm headed to bathe and make myself smell girly.</div><div><br /></div>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-61292927744125903002011-07-21T17:17:00.002-06:002011-07-21T17:29:51.308-06:00Bad DreamsEarly this morning I had a dream about Dave. In the dream I realized that I should have tried texting him (because technology is just THAT good, lol). When I texted he answered. Then he came over. The gist of the dream was that he wasn't dead- and I was FURIOUS because he hadn't contacted the kids (for some reason the fact that he'd ignored me too wasn't an issue). Apparently he'd gone into some sort of job training program (like Job Corp?) and had decided that he just couldn't do what he needed to do while dealing with all of us.<div><br /></div><div>I know it was just a dream. I know it was ridiculous. I know that Dave was NEVER like that. But- I'm still having a hard time getting past the mad feeling. </div><div><br /></div><div>The whole dream could be a sign that I've been dithering over whether to keep Dave's phone line going or not. I want to save the outgoing message but I haven't actually taken the time to do so. Until the message is saved off of there- I'm willing to keep paying for the phone line- because when I need to I can hear my husband's voice. I can even leave him a message if I want to.</div><div><br /></div><div>We're in the middle of getting ready for fair. The sheep weigh in next Tuesday and our club scrapbook and record books need to go in on Monday when we decorate stalls. When I'm busy and overwhelmed I tend to project my feelings about one issue onto another issue (or person, or event). Before Dave died I was much better at seeing my own motivation for actions. I was also better at recognizing emotions and knowing why I felt the way I did. </div><div><br /></div><div>This evening I'm wondering if maybe I'm a little mad at Dave for leaving- and leaving me with all the work and all the kids to raise. I know he didn't have a choice, and had he been offered a choice- he would have done almost anything to stay (except trading his life for one of ours). I still love the man like crazy. He's been dead for almost two years and I still find myself getting irritated with him on occasion. I don't want to be mad at him, especially when there's nothing he can do to make it better. There's no action anyone can take to change the outcome. </div><div><br /></div><div>This is my life. I love it. Come hell or high water... this is mine. My family. My home. My choices. My decisions. My life. It wasn't all that long ago that it was OUR life. Even though it seems like it's been a long time- it hasn't been all that long. I miss OUR life. I miss having someone to share the joys and the responsibilities and someone to take care of (but not like a parent caring for a child). I miss my honey. He was also MINE. Apparently I don't do well letting go of my stuff or my people. </div><div><br /></div><div>Here's hoping that tonight brings sweeter dreams...</div>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-39549931389091559402011-06-25T10:46:00.001-06:002011-06-25T10:46:53.476-06:00Mom's not always all thereHave you ever had one of those moments when your brain malfunctions? Chris and I weighed his lambs on Thursday for the first time since weigh-in, which was mid-May. It was a little scary. Our rate of gain averaged .39 pounds per day on feed. That's abysmal!<div><br /></div><div>Ha, ha- guess what? I was remembering the weigh in weights as 10 pounds heavier than they really were. Dur, dur, dur, dur. Way to go, Mom. Now that I tracked down the real initial weights- we're averaging .53 pounds gained per day on feed (.53#/dof). That number's still not great, but I think it will look better the next time I weigh them.</div><div><br /></div><div>A little over a week ago Chris woke me up to tell me that there were dogs in the sheep pen. I went out and sure enough, there were two black dogs sitting at the gate, wagging their tales at me. When I went in they started growling, but moved away from me. They'd been there for a while. There were five sheep hiding in the little shelter in the dog kennel (my husband built a huge dog kennel and it's the main "corral" for the sheep- they're out on pasture, but can still get into the kennel, it's where we grain them).</div><div><br /></div><div>I couldn't convince the dogs to exit the gate, so I started looking for the two missing sheep while keeping an eye on the dogs. The Boise market lamb, Sheepy, was standing pressed against the side of the shop. He looked fine, he just wasn't moving around. Lily, our bum lamb, was dead on the ground. She'd been gutted. Of course- she's Chris's favorite.</div><div><br /></div><div>Since I couldn't get the dogs out without upsetting the sheep- and I did not want the sheep starting to run with the dogs in the pen- I went back to the house. On my short walk back I had to make the choice between shooting the dogs while they were still in the pen or getting their owner. Since I was positive they were from the house back behind us, I got my keys instead of a shotgun and made an early morning call in my nightgown to tell the neighbors I needed their dogs out of my sheep NOW.</div><div><br /></div><div>That's always a lovely way to meet your new neighbors, isn't it? Especially since I was wearing my nightgown and not much else. The neighbors were great about the situation and even took Lily and buried her so that I didn't have to deal with her. They paid for her and the vet bill for the rest of the flock.</div><div><br /></div><div>Every lamb we own had scrapes and scratches in all four of their armpits. The big, blackface ewe, Tulip, had a couple large scrapes on one flank. Sam's little ewe had a large cut in her left, front, armpit which required stitches (she's still swollen and stiff).</div><div><br /></div><div>Sheepy looked good, but still wouldn't rejoin the flock so the vet and I went out to him- she thinks he broke his left, front leg. The suspected break was high enough, towards his shoulder, that she couldn't splint him in the pasture. She said we could bring him in if we really wanted to, but she recommended not moving him around that much because it could displace the break. She was also uncertain that a splint would work well, since the whole shoulder would have to be immobilized. So far he's looking good. He's a little stiff on that front leg, but actually limps less than Brisca (Sam's ewe) does.</div><div><br /></div><div>At any rate- back to that rate of gain thing... I'm not too concerned about the mediocre rate of gain because I'm pretty certain the dogs ran off a week's worth of gain. We'll try to weigh more often so that we can keep on eye on things. I'd like to boost that gain to .7#/day from here until fair time. Chris has been excellent about feeding the sheep and keeping them in fresh water. He really is committed to keeping them healthy and happy (plus, he wants more money).</div><div><br /></div><div>We've started buying from a feed store in Caldwell. This is big news to me for two reasons. First, they give us an excellent price on feed with a 4-H discount. Second, the sales rep delivers the feed to our house. She even brought Chris a pallet to keep the feed on so that it doesn't absorb moisture from the concrete shop floor. Betz Feed, Caldwell, Idaho- they deserve a shout out! Awesome people, very youth friendly, very knowledgeable.</div>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-33101341886303336632011-06-20T20:29:00.000-06:002011-06-20T20:35:17.499-06:00Dance With Me<iframe width="560" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/uo1xgTb-jM8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-30887420219519632902011-05-31T00:25:00.006-06:002011-05-31T00:57:59.903-06:00Nap time<div><iframe width="560" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/qjGSXGCi4Fc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></div><div><br /></div>Remember when your kids were young and they'd get so tired, either from excitement or illness or changed routines, that they just would NOT go to sleep? It starts out with just a little fussiness, just a bit of grumpiness. Before too long they're just not happy with anything you try to soothe them.<div><br /></div><div>Favorite blankie? Why would you offer them that rag? Binkie? What do you think I am- a baby? Cuddles? Oof, you're too hot- let go! How about a game of peek-a-boo? Good grief woman, I'm mad and i do not want to play that STUPID game!</div><div><br /></div><div>Eventually, after exhausting all the fun parenting tricks in your bag- you just put the kiddo to bed and leave them to scream. The screaming is heart breaking- but trying to jolly the kiddo out of it doesn't work. So, screaming it is- until- abruptly, mid-wail, they fall asleep. </div><div><br /></div><div>You can try to head off the screaming, but once the kids hit that point in their exhaustion- all you can do is delay the inevitable. The screaming has to happen before they'll be able to relax and surrender to sleep. One of the toughest things any parent does while their kids are young is try to figure out when to help and soothe and when to leave the baby to melt down. There's a bit of second guessing and wondering if there's something else that can be done to soothe them to sleep... but generally by the point of leaving them to "cry it out" you've already tried everything you know- at least twice.</div><div><br /></div><div>Grief can be like that. I feel it rise up under my skin. Everything feels unsettled and "off." Nothing is really right. Everything rubs me the wrong way. I can jolly myself out of it for weeks, sometimes even months at a time- but- eventually the melt down has to happen. No one can pull me out of it. I can be distracted- but beneath the surface the grief is still rising. </div><div><br /></div><div>Melt downs aren't fun. They may be cathartic- but they never totally dispel the grief. Nothing is ever completely settled. That seed of grief is still there. It will grow again. But each time I melt down, I learn more about the process and begin to see the signs along the way that warn of impending chaos, anger, and heart wrenching sorrow. As I recognize the signs I can try to vent the grief in new ways and hopefully get a handle on it before it's ready to explode out of me. </div><div><br /></div><div>The melt downs are coming much farther apart these days. I hope it's because the grief is starting to mellow a little (although there are days I'd dispute that statement) and because I'm gaining new tools to help vent the emotions before they take control of me.</div><div><br /></div><div>* (as I typed that last line, "Walk this Way" started playing in the background- and I smile. Only my very good friends will understand. I think it's a sign that I should end here).</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-48753547859118419652011-05-29T09:01:00.000-06:002011-05-29T09:02:02.749-06:00Songs for a Sunday<iframe width="560" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8zNf4sOO_mg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-8151593674067243102011-05-28T22:27:00.002-06:002011-05-28T22:34:34.431-06:00That time of yearIt's been so busy around here that I haven't taken the time to sit down and write. We did get all three market lambs weighed in. The two largest lambs are weighed in for the Canyon County Fair and the little guy is weighed in for Western Idaho Fair. We missed our sheep 4-H meeting this month because we were still driving home from the Boise weigh in. <div><br /></div><div>Most of our club doesn't go to that fair because it's too far away. We joined the club when we lived on the west side of Nampa- just across the highway from Caldwell. When we moved we didn't want to switch groups because we love our club and the families who comprise it. Now I joke that we have to drive to the boon toolies in order to participate- and that's more than kind of true. It means we're one of few families in our group who live this far east. It also means that the Boise fair is much more feasible for our family than for most of our friends. </div><div><br /></div><div>Right now I am so glad to be a homeschooler! Summer is so busy and we run all the time. We get up early and work all day. With the boys therapy appointments happening several times a week on top of all the 4-H activities and general work around the house and with the sheep- there is not a lot of down time. I can hardly wait until September. Most families will be gearing up for school activities and busier than ever. We will be taking a break and enjoying the rest. I don't know how we'd ever manage to get everything done and take care of everyone if we had to work around a school schedule. I know that families do it all the time- but what do they give up in order to do so? </div><div><br /></div>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-19431915158474930252011-05-12T10:52:00.000-06:002011-05-13T14:21:00.358-06:00Weight GAINING blog record!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJaG_Va-FdgSdhYsJjDKvrhImw5ONkEWbNa9sLl1C3WsjfKxstd7ZlioIygPlj8bERqVbWiikMgqxCiVvH-O-o0Fbmb6ZQNHIWlszDhwtYzDOS6ZAG4_Slf5k-p6052gsKVAv5Qw/s1600/Photo1017+%25281%2529.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJaG_Va-FdgSdhYsJjDKvrhImw5ONkEWbNa9sLl1C3WsjfKxstd7ZlioIygPlj8bERqVbWiikMgqxCiVvH-O-o0Fbmb6ZQNHIWlszDhwtYzDOS6ZAG4_Slf5k-p6052gsKVAv5Qw/s400/Photo1017+%25281%2529.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5605903753995909058" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQhJXOZYcjlMt7HzDajT_PQzKhooZBlYDGIQzcMWDHa3n9oTvZk4mRtEiBGJupQyInPFhSo4WG7e7pq-fYAxTiLhTSoFhtS7j9Bm6kiR0N09tDDTGRmvcHTHn48HIdICVupBAlsw/s1600/Photo1016.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQhJXOZYcjlMt7HzDajT_PQzKhooZBlYDGIQzcMWDHa3n9oTvZk4mRtEiBGJupQyInPFhSo4WG7e7pq-fYAxTiLhTSoFhtS7j9Bm6kiR0N09tDDTGRmvcHTHn48HIdICVupBAlsw/s400/Photo1016.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5605903751281251538" /></a><br />I have a couple of cousins who are documenting their weight loss journeys on their blogs. I think it's a great idea because it give accountability and provides an easy to access record of their successes and can work as a wonderful tool for evaluating whether whatever method they're choosing is workable for them.<div><br /></div><div>:-) I'm more in need of a diet than either of my cousins- but- that's not something I really care about working on at the moment. Maybe someday it will be, but today I'd like to use my blog to begin documenting our 4-H lambs and their progress through this summer! </div><div><br /></div><div>Chris picked out his market lambs on Saturday and yesterday he and Sam went and bought breeding ewes. We need those market lambs to be over 110 pounds by the end of July in order to be able to sell them in the 4-H/FFA livestock auction at our fair. Judging by the frame size of our lambs I think he needs to shoot for 130-140 pounds in order to have his lambs finished (appropriate amount of fat cover) by fair time. </div><div><br /></div><div>The ewe lambs don't have to make a minimum weight requirement, but we would like to breed as many of them as possible this fall. In order to do that they need to be fairly large and have enough fat to begin cycling (ovulating). The Dorset ewes are smaller framed than our black faced sheep. Chances are that they'll be too small to breed no matter how we feed them- but we're still going to do our best to grow them as well as we can. I suspect Chris will show his Dorset ewe for showmanship and he certainly plans on showing her in breeding classes at the fair. I'm not sure what kind of weight goal to set for them. They should be about 110-120 by fair time- I think.</div><div><br /></div><div>This morning we brought out the new digital scale that Chris purchased with some of his market lamb money from last year. I think we need to make a box for it so that it's easier to keep the lambs on top of the platform without holding on to them (and skewing our weights). So... the weight in results for May 12, 2001 are (drum roll please...):</div><div><br /></div><div>Lily (bum) 55lbs</div><div>Flora (1163, Chris's Dorset ewe) 55lbs</div><div>Brisca (1173, Sam's Dorset ewe) 45lbs</div><div>Tulip (1123, Chris's Hamp/Suffolk ewe) 80lbs</div><div>Brutus (801, Chris's Caldwell lamb) 69lbs</div><div>Sheepy (1047, Chris's Boise lamb) 60lbs</div><div>Lambchop (257, spare market lamb) 79lbs</div><div><br /></div><div>We're planning on feeding Rangen lamb grower this year. The bag we opened last night looked good enough for the humans to eat and the lambs seem to love it! </div><div><br /></div><div>Sam was so excited about his ewe that he got up about 10pm and I had to walk out with him to check on her. Chris was up at 6:30 this morning because he felt the need to check too. :-) So begins our year...</div>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32845186.post-3688545503006610182011-05-11T07:23:00.002-06:002011-05-11T07:29:19.772-06:00Grand excitementLast Saturday we bought Chris's market lambs and brought them home. He's learned a lot since last year- but I did catch him measuring the ribs instead of the loin. He laughed and moved farther down when I asked why he wanted to know how big the lamb's ribs were.<div><br /></div><div>Today we get to go look at breeding ewes. I'm almost (not quite, but almost) as excited as Chris is about it. Chris really wants Hampshires, I saw some beautiful Dorsets at the fair, Suffolks always sell well... choices, choices. The people we're going to see today have some of the nicest sheep in the valley. I'm positive that they have gorgeous suffolks and dorsets, but I'm not positive they have hamp ewes for sale (I think they do, but her email only mentioned the dorsets). It will be exciting for Chris to go actually choose- luckily the Fishers are really nice and helpful and can offer him advice that he may or may not listen to if it were coming from his mother.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's really odd to realize my kid is old enough to participate in his own money making venture. My nine year old is now self employed :-) I'm proud of him!</div>Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.com0