My kids are weird

I was late getting dinner on the table tonight because I got distracted playing in the garden (with Dave). Apparently the children were hungry (there was shredded BBQ beef in the crockpot- I just needed to make buns, cook a veggie, and set the table). Chris joined us in the garden with a bowl in his hand. I didn't think much of it until I made it back into the house to complete dinner prep.

Chris was sitting at the kitchen table with Jake and they were sharing a salad. The salad was full of beet greens and bok choy, butter bib lettuce, nasturtium flowers, tiny carrots, chives, parsley, and basil. It looked kinda weird. However, they'd sprayed it with balsamic viniagrette and were chowing down on the strange greens while they waited for me to finish cooking.

I've heard that kids on the Austism spectrum are picky eaters, rigid in their likes and dislikes, afraid or unable to try new things. Not Chris. If it's green- he'll eat it. If it grows in the garden- he'll eat it. If we see it in the grocery store and it looks interesting- he'll eat it. I know fairly normal grown-ups who don't eat as varied a diet as my children do.

People sometimes ask me how I get my kids to eat vegetables. The only answer I can come up with is- I simply don't care whether they eat them or not. I eat vegetables (but I truly don't like root veggies, which my kids all love). I serve vegetables at least twice a day, fruit three or four times a day. We're always looking for new ways to cook or serve veggies.

The kids enjoy helping in the garden and watching the vegetables grow. I think this makes them naturally curious and open to eating the product of their toil (bet you thought I'd never use that FFA Creed ever again, huh?). We start seeds on the patio in March and then move them to the garden the middle of May. Sam only cares about pumpkins and squash. He doesn't participate with the rest of the garden (but we do have about 16 mounds of cucubit type plants). Jake doesn't really work in the garden, but he likes to help harvest stuff. Chris has his own grow box and portions of two others that he cares for on his own (and he is much more conscientious than I am about caring for the garden).

Every trip to the grocery store we try to bring home something we've never tried before. Sometimes it's a vegetable. Sometimes it's a cut of meat. Sauces, condiments, and ethnic foods have all found their way onto our pantry shelves where they're rapidly consumed. Trying new things has become an adventure, quest, and lifestyle for our family. In the beginning I made up the "adventure" as a way to keep my mind from stagnating (any more than it already had). I needed a challenge that required me to flex my mind without taking any more time or energy than I was already spending caring for my family and house.

Now, seven years later, we see the result of my challenge. My children are weird. But they're weird in a good way and even though I catch myself laughing at them (often) I really enjoy the little people they're becoming.

Classrooms of the Heart

I saw this video on Barbara Frank's blog (barbarafrankonline.com) and liked it so much I copied it so that any of you who don't already read Barbara's blog will have an opportunity to watch.

Gatto's teaching philosophy resonates particulary with me because much of what he is saying about educating teens and teaching real responsibility is exactly what our teens experience through participation in 4-H.

Hmmm.... recipes?

Chris found a brand new (albeit broken) recipe binder in the garage today. He's fascinated with all the dividers, the recipe sheets, and the binder itself.

I've had a hard time getting Chris to read and practice his writing lately. Here's my newly hatched (and now documented) plan for summer instruction. Two days a week Chris will help make a meal (whichever meal he'd like to cook during the day). Before he gets to cook he has to locate a recipe he'd like to try.

Ok, here's the educational, language arts, genius part of the idea: He must copy the recipe into his binder.

After a whole summer of cooking he should have a good grasp of copying measurements and words. Following directions in sequential order, double checking measurements, using measuring tools, learning cooking terminology... what a treasure chest full of new skills he can gain by the end of the season. Plus, this is a great opportunity to learn how to prepare some of the vegetables he's growing in his very own garden plot.

Here's hoping mom has the discipline to follow through on this one. Some days it's just so much easier to do everything (especially cooking and cleaning related things) myself. Keep us in your prayers and hopefully the whole family will survive this experience!

Parsnips

Night before last Chris stayed up late and watched "Good Eats" with me. I love Alton Brown (in a purely innocent way). He explains the food chemistry behind cooking. "Good Eats" is my version of continuing education :-) On Friday the show was about hiding vegetables in tasty foods that kids will eat. I admit to some curiosity although I have been known to tell my kids to eat some tator tots before they can have thirds of the brussels sprouts or broccoli (mainly because I wanted to eat more of the brussels sprouts or broccoli).

Alton introduced us to the world of parsnips. He made muffins, fries, and a pear/parsnip puree. Chris watched the entire episode with me. Upon completion he says, "Mom, let's buy some parsnips." Last week Chris wanted to choose his own vegetable while we were grocery shopping. Of course I gave permission. There was a clerk in the produce section stocking cucumbers. You should have seen him do a double take when Chris very confidently chose turnips for his vegetable. He asked if Chris liked turnips and Chris told him that he'd never tried them before but had heard they were good (God only knows who told him that).

This week I went grocery shopping by myself, but I did remember to put parsnips on the list. During the show Alton jokes about stashing them around his kitchen so that he never runs out. I thought of that as I selected eight tuberous specimens. The kids were excited to find new veggies as they helped me put away groceries. I had planned on experimenting with them Monday or Tuesday. By dinner time last night (the groceries came home at 3:30pm, we eat at 6:30) we were down to two and a half parsnips- because the kids ate them raw.

I quickly threw together a batch of muffins, substituting parsnips for fruit. The kids ate them for dessert and again this morning. Perhaps having a stash of this vegetable on hand is a good idea. They're somewhat sweet like carrots, but they also taste a bit like celery and radish- except mild. I guess what I'm saying is: They taste like parsnips and parsnips are good.

Also, beware of what your children watch on tv because they are being trained to become little consumers. I think that watching Alton exclaim over the delights of eating this vegetable made my children view them favorably before they ever even tasted a parsnip. The power of advertising is huge and we frequently take it for granted. So... long live the parsnip! It must be good, because Alton said so :-)

The Wackiest Wildest Weirdest Animals in the World- by Jack Hanna

Yesterday we received, "The Wackiest, Wildest, Weirdest Animals in the World," by Jack Hanna, published by Thomas Nelson. I didn't get the opportunity to look at the book until this evening because my children have been fighting over it for the past day. "The Wackiest Wildest Weirdest Animals in the World" is a big hit with the seven and under crowd living here! Some of the animals covered were very familiar to the family (like lions and ostrich). A couple of the animals (like Bongo) we'd never heard of before. Our kids were definately motivated by the beautiful pictures to read to themselves and find out more about the animals.

Included with the book is a DVD of bloopers from Jack Hanna's TV show. My kids weren't terrifically enthralled with the DVD, but I enjoyed it :-) I'd recommed this book to anyone with younger children.

Exposure - by Brandilyn Collins

I loved this book! All week I kept trying to get into a romance I'd agreed to review and this book sat on my side table, tempting me. Finally, I put the other book aside and started reading Exposure, written by Brandilyn Collins, published by Zondervan. I couldn't put it down. Kaycee Raye lives in fear of unknown people watching her every move. She knows the fear is irrational. It's something she picked up from her mother, who had the same fear. Except- what if her fears aren't irrational? What if someone really is out there? Watching her? Moving things in her house? Leaving vanishing pictures of a dead man in her home?

Exposure is very well written. The suspense kept me on the edge of my seat throughout the entire book. There are no "slow" chapters. Brandilyn Collins has written an amazing action packed story that I highly recommend to anyone interested in mystery/suspense. I'll certainly be looking for more stories written by this author!

Makes me laugh!

This isn't even remotely politically correct, but it made me laugh so hard my sides hurt! I apologize in advance to any new fathers who may read my blog (although I'm betting there aren't any).

American Patriot's Bible: The Word of God and the Shaping of America, Richard G. Lee (editor)

I was so excited waiting for delivery of "American Patriot's Bible: The Word of God and the Shaping of America," edited by Richard G. Lee and published by Thomas Nelson. When the box arrived it was surprisingly heavy. This Bible (NKJV) is hardcover, 9.1 x 7.4 x 1.9 inches in size, and has a shipping weight of 3.7 pounds. My first impression of the book was that it was too large to become a handy reference or to take with me for casual reading.

When I requested this book I was hoping to find that it used biblical references to uphold the principles of liberty and democracy that are the cornerstones of American government. Instead, as I read, this Bible gave me an unsettling view of America as God's promised land. I am both a patriot and a Christian, but the concept that we are special and blessed by God above other nations makes me feel very uncomfortable.

There are lots of interesting historical tidbits scattered throughout this edition. I think the overall effectiveness of this Bible would be improved if it were split into a two book set- the NKJV Bible and a companion book with all of the historical tidbits, speech excerpts, and other commentary. While the "American Patriot's Bible" is advertised as a study bible, I don't think it really is. Instead it is a collection of short biographies, parts of speeches, and historical trivia compiled between the pages of the Bible.

What is marriage?

______, I take you to be my wife/husband from this time onward, to join with you and to share with you all that is to come: to give and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to respond, and in all circumstances of our life together to be loyal to you with my whole life and all my being, until death parts us. -adapted from the Lutheran Book of Worship

How do you define marriage? I'm not talking about the Prop 8 debate. What I would really like to know is how you define your marriage. What is important to you? Why did you get married? How did you choose your mate? What value do you place on marriage? Does religion or faith affect your view of marriage?

Our marriage occurred on Nov. 4, 2000 in a Lutheran Church. We formed a covenant marriage which includes three individuals- Dave, me, and God. Faith does figure into our marriage. It was (and is) important to me to have God as part of our relationship. Together, the three of us, can handle any challenges.

Legally, all of our assets are combined (although Dave keeps telling me that in the event of a divorce he gets to keep my college dishes- since I gave them to him while we were dating when I bought new ones). We share our bank accounts, our pantry, responsibility for our children, housework, yardwork, and cheesecake. There is not much individual ownership within our household. Within the confines of our own walls we are a benevolent socialist dictatorship. Dave and I make the laws, most goods are shared, individuals recieve commodities based on their needs rather than their contribution to the household (everyone contributes to the household).

After almost nine years of marriage we are no longer newlyweds. Life has sometimes been challenging, sometimes fun, sometimes sleep deprived, and always joyful (except when it's not). We had our first child right before our first anniversary (missed it by three days!). Our third child was born two weeks before our first kid turned four. That means we have not spent a lot of time alone during our marriage. I think our biggest challenge will come when the kids leave home and we're simply a husband and wife instead of Dad and Mom.

I love my husband and love does enter into our marriage. We have been growing children for all but 3 months of our marriage, but I don't think marriage is about the children- they're just a byproduct of our union (wow, that sounds vaguely pornographic).

Marriage is a relationship more enduring than mere friendship. We are committed for life and beyond to this individual we each chose back when we were young, thin, and lacking maturity. Together we have grown, changed, and endured. Endurance sounds bleak and a bit harsh, but it isn't. Endurance is what it's all about.

Don't take it for granted.

A threat to freedom anywhere is a threat to freedom everywhere. The loss of freedom comes slowly and slips into our lives in non-threatening ways. Smoking's bad for you- let's make it illegal to smoke anywhere outside of your home. Guns can be dangerous- let's make it harder to purchase them. Education is important- let's implement lots of testing and mandate that all children learn the same thing at the same time. Seat belts save lives- let's make it a crime not to wear one. Speaking out against the current administration is seditious- let's start wire tapping the phones of citizens who speak out against our elected officials.

It's easy to turn the other way when you see someone losing freedoms- as long as it's not your freedom that' being encroached upon. I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. Heck- I stand upwind when burning ditches in the spring because I simply hate smoke.  A smoking ban in restaurants sounds like good news to me! All that nasty smoke is bad for me. You shouldn't be able to smoke in my presence. In fact, why don't you just quit smoking? I think there should be a law dealing with that. 

Forget the right of a private property owner to choose how to use his own property. Forget my right to patronize a non-smoking business. It's just plain common sense to force people to quit smoking. I don't smoke. My friends don't smoke. Heaven knows my children should not ever smoke. That guy who lives down the road- it should be a crime for him to smoke.

Ok, maybe I don't really think it should be a crime to smoke cigarettes. They are really gross though. I don't smoke and neither do my friends or family members. So... if you want to pass laws criminalizing smoking I won't support them- but I won't oppose them either. Anti-smoking laws don't affect me.

A threat to freedom anywhere is a threat to freedom everywhere. What happens when it's parental rights at stake? What if the mainstream media goes after homeschooling parents or private religious schools? When it's our turn to give up our freedom- who will stand for us? Who will stand with us? We are not a majority. If majority rule is what it's all about and the majority are apathetic towards our choice- will we retain the freedom to educate our children as we see fit?

Common sense is not something that should (or can) be legislated. Yes, it's good common sense to always know where your children are and keep them safe. Does that mean a parent is criminally negligent if they allow a child to climb a tree? Is it ok to climb the tree so long as the child doesn't fall out of the tree? Is it ok to fall out of the tree so long as no bones are broken? If the child falls and gets scratches and bruises should that be grounds to terminate parental rights? This may seem like a meaningless argument- but it's the direction we're headed.

When you try to legislate morality and good common sense you quickly criminalize many acts that aren't truly criminal. Government should not be so bulky and all encompassing that normal people live in fear of accidentally breaking the law. Laws should exist only for the most extreme situations (murder and assault being quite extreme). 

Next time you hear about proposed bans on certain activities or greater government oversight for anything, ask yourself, "what happens if this law isn't passed?" Fear of what might happen allows us to trample all over other people's rights. "What if my children see that man drinking a beer? They might grow up to be alcoholics?" Of course you could talk to your kids about the lemmings jumping off the cliff. "What if my kid grows up to be gay because we gave homosexuals equal rights?" Of course your kid could grow up to be suicidal when they realize the majority of the men like women and they are going to be shunned within their family and community. "What if that kid with cancer dies because his mother allowed him to refuse chemo?" What if that kid dies anyway and spends his last year in hell on Earth because he's forced to do chemo?

Life is hard. The answers aren't easy. There is no cheat sheet to refer to when working through the trials of life. Don't allow freedom to be stolen from a few individuals just because their issues aren't your issues. Some day your freedom will come under fire. Make sure you've worked to protect others and hopefully they'll stand with you when it's your turn to fight.

Completed Projects (how few and far between they are...)

Sam took this picture by himself. It's one of my favorite pictures of the little boys.

The first part of May we were invited to a birthday party for a three year old girl. I didn't have time to go shopping so we made her a bag (what a surprise that probably is to most of my readers- all two of you).  The guinea pig food all of our friends use comes in muslin feed sacks. I've been itching to get my hands on some of them and finally a friend of ours gave me about 40 sacks. They have gotten a lot of use in sack race context. They also make great hidey holes for stuffed animals. I used one for the lining in Camryn's bag. The remnants made for some very classy wrapping paper. We are nothing if not classy.

It feels like we have been very busy with schoolwork and yardwork around here lately. Many, many weeks ago I posted pictures of my fabric for Rylee's quilt and the top for Grandma D's quilt. Today I finally have pictures of the completed Churn Dash quilt for Dave's grandma! My in-laws are headed to Burley tomorrow for Memorial Day and the quilt is complete and ready to go with them. I am so glad to finally have it off my sewing table! It would have been gone long ago but it took forever for the backing fabric to get  here.

arrrrgggghhhhhh

Sam had a doctor's appointment today with the ear, nose, throat specialist. Every other time we've seen him (all 4 times that is) I've been very happy with this doctor. Today I'd like to write a letter of complaint to him. The only thing stopping me is that I'm worried I'm PMSing and possibly took things the wrong way. 

Two weeks ago I took Sam to his pediatrician because he was complaining that his ear hurt. Since he has tubes in his ears I was worried that this meant he had lost a tube and now had an ear infection. Before he got the tubes Sam had such a bad infection it bulged the ear drum out. He was asymptomatic. No fever. No tugging at the ear. No complaining of pain. Just speech delayed. 

In Sam's entire life he's been on oral antiobiotics three times. He took them when he was six months old and had a sinus infection in conjuction with his bout with yersinia enterolytica. After  his surgery to place the tubes Sam took antibiotics for 10 days. Two weeks ago, after using a CT scan to diagnose, Sam was given two weeks of antibiotics to treat a very bad sinus infection. Sam turns five next month.

Today we returned to the ENT office for a follow-up on the sinus infection. Three days ago Sam's nose started to run again. As each day passes the mucus gains a bit more color. I mentioned this to the P.A. He told me (after examining Sam's adenoids) that we needed to keep Sam on a nasal spray (Veramyst) and "irrigate" his nose with saline at least three times a day. I asked him how to go about "irrigating" Sam's nose without having to hold him down.

He told me that he was the wrong man to ask. The gist of his comments concerned lecturing me about overuse of oral antibiotics (because apparently parents like me are at real risk of overusing antibiotics). He also told me that he'd physically restrain his daughter (the same age as Sam) in order to treat her. Saline works as well as oral antibiotics in fighting chronic sinus infection- this is good to know. It wasn't until the end of the conversation that he finally thought to describe the process of "irrigating" the nose. 

You have to understand that the last time a medical professional mentioned irrigation to me it was as I was using much of my own body weight to hold down a pygmy goat undergoing a c-section. When she talked of "irrigating" she meant, "pour a couple gallons of warm, sterile, saline over the incision so that I can look for bleeders." The doctor today apparently meant "moisten by spraying bottled saline up his nostril for half a second."

Did the man start out telling me how to treat Sam's nose? No, instead he lectured me about my parenting skills (since I'm opposed to holding my children down and treating them- instead I like to treat them as creatures of reason) and about overuse of antibiotics (yet, the bulk of antibiotics Sam has taken were prescribed by him- twice).

Central to my parenting philosophy has always been a deep respect for my children. I will not hold any of them down three times a day for medical treatment. They deserve better. Doctors should be able to offer advice about treatment that doesn't include physical restraint for almost five year olds. I didn't ask for a different solution- just advise about how to implement his instructions. 

Twenty years of working with horses has taught me that brute force is rarely needed and often causes way more harm than good. Sam won't be five and weigh 42 pounds for very long. I need to establish a relationship with him that is founded on trust. Sometimes he needs to do things that are scary or unpleasant. How can I get him to do those things once he's as big as I am if I treat him as if his fears and needs don't matter now? Sure, in an emergency I have no problem restraining him when it's for his own good- but three times a day, every day? No way. There has to be a better way to gain compliance. Of course it would be helpful if the doctor explained the treatment better. Irrigate. Moisten. Totally different actions. 

Oh dear! Chris has learned to surf the web!

 I think it's time to activate my parental controls feature for the internet. Chris has learned to surf the net. He loves youtube! Since he frequently searches "bunny" and "rabbit" I'm a bit concerned about him finding "bunnies" that are not lagomorphs!

Reflections on ceremony, death, and hope

Does anyone ever enjoy attending a funeral? It's not a happy occasion. The "man of the hour" is not able to actively participate or contribute to the remarks (as you know he would have liked). Most difficult of all- if the life you're celebrating is that of a person you usually hang out with when attending funerals- the loss is even more apparent. When the speakers say something entirely too preachy or serious it's automatic to look towards Uncle K- but today he wasn't there. I mean his body was there- in a box- at the front of the room. But to quote Matthew 28:6, "He is not here, he is risen," and he is sorely missed.

Unfortunately, Dave's family has provided me with the opportunity to attend many funerals in the past 10 years. I've only attended 3 funerals for friends and family on my side in the same amount of time. Ten years is a long time for reflection about what I do, and do not, like at any given funeral. My husband will think me very macabre, so we won't tell him what this post is about and he most likely won't ever read it on his own. If I die, could someone please print out my wishes in time to plan the funeral around them?

I love music and singing. When I die I'd love to have lots of music and singing. My absolute favorite hymns are:  1. Simple Gifts,  2. Bringing in the Sheaves, and  3. Joyful, Joyful. I'm also rather fond of, "How Great Thou Art," but it's so common at funerals that you don't have to sing it at mine (unless you want to).

If the pastor gives a sermon at my funeral I would like it to be about hope, promise, service, and the enduring nature of love. I do not want the officiating person (or any other speaker) at my funeral to speak about:  1. Tithing, 2. The work we must do to earn a place in heaven, 3. My late acceptance of the importance of the church organization (which hasn't happened yet, and may never happen), 4. The importance of obedience to church doctrine (because we all know that I only really care about Love God and love one another- I could care less about conforming to church doctrine), and 5. The opportunity my death gives all the people attending my funeral to accept the Lord as your Saviour (It's not that I don't think that's important- funerals just aren't the place for recruiting new people).

You may talk about service to others (but only if it makes me sound good and actually applies to the live I've led). It would be acceptable to talk about Jesus and the resurrection and how that event gave us all everlasting life (but I'll haunt you if you suddenly shout, "Come to me Jesus!" or begin swaying and moaning). I'd really like the religious part of the event to last fewer than five minutes and it should be something that is comforting (seriously, if there is talk of tithing at my funeral I'll haunt everyone who was there and let that sort of talk occur). 

My favorite type of funeral occurs in small, rural churches where all the people in the community know each other. The pastor speaks of the glory and mercy of God. He reminds us that life everlasting is ours once we part from the Earthly realm. Then (after a very brief sermon- like 3 to 5 minutes) the pastor passes the microphone through the congregation and invites everyone to share their memories of the deceased. It's amazing to hear how lives were touched, history was made, and love endured throughout any given individuals life.  

Death is a natural part of life. It's hard on those of us who have to move forward without the companionship of our loved ones but I think that we owe it to them to celebrate a life well lived. We owe the widows, the children, and the friends of the deceased the opportunity to know that our lives were touched, our hearts were changed, or simply that we are better people for having known the person who is missing from our gathering that day.

I can't even begin to put into words how much we'll miss Uncle K. He was a unique individual (as all of the Anderson's are truly, amazingly, hilariously unique). Watching the Anderson siblings was more entertaining than any television show I've ever seen. Aunt Barbara, Aunt Betty, Uncle K, and Larry - I keep trying to type what it's like watching this group and the words won't come. They are close. They play tricks on each other (especially Barbara and K). I hope my boys are that close when they are grown.  There's so much I'd like to say, but the words just won't come in any coherent form- except- Sam is rotten, and sweet, joking, and serious... and he very much reminds me of K. Every time we'd see K and Sam would be ornery (which occurs pretty much every day) I'd blame K- and he would grin.

Book Review: His Name is Jesus by Max Lucado

This book is beautiful! It is a feast for the senses. The pages are filled with beautiful pictures, verses from the Bible, and Lucado's own prose. Truly a gift book, the presentation is beautiful. The book is encased in a hard sleeve, it's printed on heavy weight glossy paper. My children love looking through the book simply because it is beautiful. 

Even though the story of Jesus is a familiar one, Lucado's writing caused me to look at what I thought I knew of Jesus and reconcile it with what we know of humanity. "Completely human, completely divine," The book reads like a series of short essays which makes it perfect for reading out loud to our children. While reading this book my 4 year old realized for the first time that Jesus was once a four year old boy- just like him. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who would like to refresh their memories of Christ's story. It makes a wonderful starting point for family Bible study!

Amy- Ideas?

A friend of mine gave me a bunch of muslin feed sacks. I'm trying to figure out how best to use them. Grocery bags? Tote bags? Bread bags? I really like bags. Can you tell? I promised to make her something out of a few of them to use in the cavy club's raffle at one of the upcoming shows. I've been tossing around the idea of making one of the origami bags and figuring out how to add straps.  The muslin is quite thin so I think it would work best to layer batting scraps between two pieces of muslin and quilt the whole cloth. Then I  could bind the edge with something colorful and attach (somehow) wide straps which have also been layered with batting and quilted.

Does anyone have a suggestion for me? Has anybody else made fun, useful, and inexpensive things using muslin? I've debated making pillowcase dresses out of some of them but the boys don't think they'd be fun to wear :-) I can't imagine why not.

Overheard at Wal-Mart

While standing still and checking items off my shopping the list the other day I happened to overhear an interesting conversation. No, I wasn't eavesdropping- because I wasn't intentionally listening. It was only later that I realized the full importance of what I'd overheard.

The speakers were both older males. They were conservatively dressed (no earrings or holes in their clothes). If I had to guess their religion I think it wouldn't be hard to accurately classify them. One of them was talking about a young family that he had recently visited. The wife was overwhelmed caring for her small children (apparently she had several) and her house. It was apparent to this man that the woman was overwhelmed because her house was a mess, her children had dirty faces, her lawn wasn't mowed, and the car had dirt on it too.

In response the the first man's concerns the second man responded by affirming that this family had been active in their church in the past, but currently did not regularly attend. The first man really wanted to gather ideas for how he could help this family. The second man told him that the best way to provide assistance was to emphasize how important church attendance was. He elaborated by stating that obviously the husband was not acting properly in his capacity as the religious head of his household. The wife was not performing her duties well because she was not as involved in church as she should be. If only she would spend more time praying and in service to her family- everything would look up.

This was about the time I finished updating my shopping list and moved on. I'm not sure what the concerned man who started the conversation said in reply. I hope he told the first man that this family would be better able to function (and come to church and devotion to God) if people could provide some sort of relief for the overwhelmed mother (and possibly her husband- I don't know his story at all). I hope both those men realized that young mothers (especially when dealing with more than one child under the age of five) actually require sleep before they can efficiently do anything. I also hope that the second man- the one who thought the family was having problems because they weren't attending church regularly enough- I hope that he has at some point had to perform all the functions of his day with one hand tied behind his back and one leg chained to a thirty pound rock that goes everywhere with him (including the bathroom). 

So, what do you do all day?

My best friend's mother actually asked me that question about 4 years ago. She wasn't being rude or insensitive or even asking why the dishes weren't done and the dining room table was covered in laundry (because we were at her house and she couldn't see the mess in mine). She truly wanted to know how the days filled themselves in our life.

Well, let me tell you...

This morning started late. I slept in until 8:16. My husband isn't working at the moment and since I was up at 6, finally giving in and taking some allergy meds, he let me sleep in while he got up with the kids.

Last night I went to a party with my mother-in-law. She arrived just as dinner was finishing and I blithely left the house to go enjoy the company of other grown women. I returned about 9:30. My kind, loving, wonderful husband offered to fix me a hot fudge sundae- and I said yes. He fixed the ice cream, turned out the kitchen lights, and I didn't give that room another thought- until this morning.

I stumbled into our kitchen at about 8:17. Blearily looking in the mug cupboard I realized that the dishwasher hadn't been unloaded and there were only clunky mugs left on the shelf. I hate clunky mugs so I opened the dishwasher and found that the dishes were still dirty (I actually took a mug out and almost poured coffee in it before I realized- Benadryl is not really my friend). At that point I looked- really looked- around the kitchen. There were dishes (with food still on them!) on the table. The sink was full of dishes (not drip drying after washing either). The stove was covered with something greasy. There were leftovers in the dishes on the stove. This is not the sight that normally greets me upon waking.

I started the dishwasher, washed some dishes by hand (after first washing and filling my coffee mug), washed the table, washed the stove, cleaned the window, watered the plants, nuked my cold coffee, picked up garbage papers off the floor (darned kids!), swept the sand off the floor (darned kids!), nuked my cold coffee, prepared some cereal for the kids, opened string cheese wrappers, cleaned out the moldy leftovers in the fridge, nuked my cold coffee, started a load of laundry that included the dish drying towels and dish cloths, folded the load left in the dryer (except for the hanging shirts which are still on the couch), poured my cold and burned coffee down the sink, and finally had a bowl of granola and yogurt for breakfast.

At 9:38 I forced my oldest child to sit down at the kitchen table and read to me. He was particularly brilliant today and told me very confidently that y e l l o w spells tan F a t h e r reads as funny, n sounds like r, and helps and car are the same word. Honest to Betsy- he read all the same words three days ago and did just fine with them. Today I threatened to make him do preschool over again because he obviously needs to brush up on his alphabet skills.

At 10:30 I mixed up a big batch of Jello (which still hasn't set up). The little boys helped immensely by dumping in cottage cheese and oranges. Then they continued helping by spreading toys and papers all over the kitchen floor so that I could practice my agility skills while trying to get the jello from the counter into the fridge. I may have raised my voice a wee, little bit when I instructed them to clear floor or suffer untold agony.

At 11:00 I sent Chris back to his room to put on underwear before leaving for school. Why is it that a seven year old can't seem to remember the underwear go on before the pants? "I just forget sometimes," he says. After he emerged fully dressed we continued our daily geography exploration by trying to figure out where Europe ends and Asia begins. I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm still not sure. We also reviewed all the South American countries and the states in the USA.

At 11:55 we left to take Chris to school for P.E. Today he finally had an opportunity to speak with his p.e. teacher and asked him if it would be ok for him to leave and use the bathroom if he needs to. The teacher told him that it would be fine, he just needs to ask first. Weeks (possibly months) of angst and now, that easily, Chris's anxiety is relieved. Thank God for the wonderful speech language pathologists that help smooth the way during these times of need. Truly, Mrs. J is a blessing and there are things she sees and mentions that I would never consider as possible causes of stress.

At 1:00 I returned to the school to pick Chris up (after running home to make lunch for the little boys and start a batch of bread). We talked about his class and how relieved he feels since he had "a little talk" with Coach. Then we returned home and began looking at Indian Head Nickels, searching for dates and mint marks. Of course we also had to bring out the huge map of the USA and place his entire collection of state quarters on the appropriate states. The little boys built Lego ships, space ships, airplanes, rockets, and space stations while pretending to live on different planets.

At 2:30 I had a ferocious headache and went to take a nap. My husband agreed to watch the kids and bake the bread.

At 4:00 I got up and went to bake the bread. Then I put all the dirty dishes that had collected in the dishwasher (apparently this is a highly skilled task that very few are capable of doing). I also washed all the bread making dishes, talked on the phone with a couple of friends who called, folded mounds of laundry, started my fifth load of laundry for the day (I do love the homemade detergent), quizzed Chris on math, complimented Captains Jake and Sam on their rocket ships, read several stories,

At 5:00 I started making Alfredo sauce, sauteing chicken, boiling noodles, and warming frozen peas. Dave and the kids set the table.

At 6:30 I answered multiple, repeated, annoying questions about space, stars, planets, dwarf planets, comets, sun spots, and why Mexicans speak Spanish.

At 7:00 I told the children to find their father, came out to the unheated patio, shot some people using the Mafia Wars application on facebook, and finally started to update my blog.

At 7:02 I wiped Jake's nose, found Blankie, and answered more questions about why Pluto is a dwarf planet instead of a "real" planet.

At 7:07 I told the annoying children that, yes, they can have ice cream- "Go ask your father."

At 7:10 I used my "outdoor voice" to order the same three children off my patio.

At 7:12 I felt bad and went and closed the door to the living room so that the sound of crying was muffled.

At 7:51 I am ready to post my blog update. After this I will return to the house, clean up the ice cream mess in the kitchen, fold some laundry, dry some laundry, wash the dinner dishes, kiss the kids good night, thank my husband for putting the kids to bed, and then- I'll probably come back out and check my email.

This is what I did all day today- although I think I forgot to write a few things down. Isn't the life of a stay at home mother exciting? :-)

The Sand Truck Cometh...

We had sand delivered this morning. Dave recently moved (and cemented in) the swingset out into the pasture, near where the garden is going to be. It needed sand to cushion the base. We also live on some of the heaviest clay soil in the known universe. There's kaliche (sp?) six inches below the surface in most areas and I can make pinch pots that stand the test of time whenever we irrigate. It provided hours of entertainment when I was a child. Now however, I'd like to grow some vegetables and they tend to get root rot when the soil is mainly clay (no drainage).

So... the sand truck cometh. I'm not sure I'll be able to get Chris to school today. It would be a shame to discourage him from shoveling. :-)

Is P.E. essential to life?

Chris was sick and stayed home from school all but one day last week. Today he felt well enough to build in the dirt around the swing set but still told me he was too sick to attend school. I was a bit puzzled but decided that being the mom meant I could make the choice for him, "You look healthy enough for school. Get dressed!" He kept hemming and hawing until I finally asked him if wanted be un-enrolled for the rest of the year. Upon receiving an affirmative answer I queried whether he'd miss music? Yes, he certainly would. Library? Yes, that too would be missed. Ahhh.... I understand now..... "P.E.?"

Nope, he'd rather quit going to school altogether than go to P.E. Apparently he and "Coach" are not fans of each other. What's more, Chris once had to go to the bathroom, "really, really bad," last year and when Coach wouldn't excuse him to use the restroom Chris almost had an accident.

After being out all week with the flu Chris was not willing to risk having an accident during the one whole hour a day he attends school. We compromised. I sent a note asking that Chris be allowed to leave class and visit the restroom without explaining himself. I mentioned that he's feeling a bit anxious about the situation. When we arrived at school I spoke with his speech therapist (who facilitates everything for him) and told her about his dilemna. She found out for us that Chris had music today and so Chris went happily to class.

The therapist kept my note and said she'll talk to Coach today and get him "educated" by tomorrow. Tomorrow Chris is to report to her room where they'll role play the conversation where Chris is going to tell Coach that sometimes he needs to leave class and go to the restroom. Then Chris is going to give Coach the note and explain that sometimes he needs to leave.

It seems like a whole lot of trouble for something as simple as being excused from class to perform a biological function. I have two strong thoughts about the situation. First, why is it such a big deal to let a kid use the bathroom in the first place? Second, why is it so hard for Chris to speak up about his needs? Both individuals involved in this situation could handle things differently and have a positive outcome. Yet- here we are.

Mrs. J (SLP) thinks seeing the whole little drama out will be a good opportunity for Chris to really think about how communicating his needs helps him get those needs met. First, we have the written communication in the note. Second, we have verbal communication between Chris and his teacher. Third, we have resolution of the problem. It's all very logical. I'm sure it's a good idea. Yet- it feels like we're negotiating a hostage stand-off instead of simply teaching a seven year old how to ask to use the restroom when it's inconvenient for the teacher to comply with said request. Am I the only one who sees a molehill growing taller here?