News flash: I did not die. I know, that seems pretty obvious- but it takes a while for your body and mind to come to terms with a major loss. For several weeks my body didn't really register sensation, like hot/cold, pain/pleasure, hunger, etc. I think it took about three weeks for the physical shock to wear off. When I was alone my body would panic (it usually took my brain a while to figure out why things felt so weird). I am a fan of Xanax. It's good stuff. I haven't taken any this week (not since last Thursday, I believe) and things seem to be going fine without it.
Everything is different, and yet, some things are still the same. We still homeschool. I'm still teaching a class about bugs for our homeschool co-op (although I've definately not been as good a teacher the past few weeks). We're still involved in 4-H. I'm still leading cake decorating, vet science and sheep (co-leading sheep). Chris is still looking forward to getting a lamb this spring. Sam is in love with our litter of kittens. Zowie is in love with our litter of kittens. Jake is goofy, goofy and runs around the house pretending to be Buzz Lightyear and flying.
Every morning we get up and the world is still turning. The sun is shining. The weather here has been beautiful! We've been blessed in so many ways. I can hardly wait to see what happens in the next chapter of our lives.
5 comments:
What a beautiful post. And this is why people say your so strong. It's the decision you've made to enjoy the life you guys have now! Whether you think so or not it is inspiring. And yes I know you still have moments when it's so hard, but you aren't letting those moments determine the rest of the day. You still see the sun, even through the clouds!
I'm so glad you had a good week, Janet.
I am glad you are seeing that the sun is shining and the days are beautiful again :)
Amen to that. Looking forward to enjoying some of that new chapter with you guys. You are indeed blessed.
I apologize for not commenting or following up....I have been meaning to ask you how you are doing. My heart goes out to you and your boys (even though I haven't really met you in person). I just wanted to let you know that I you are not forgotten.....
Also, that I really do admire you. I'm not sure how you feel about hearing that, especially in a blog comment. For your ability to stand strong as a mother (and homeschool your kids!), for your quilting prowess....for your ability to put yourself out there for the world to see. I kind-of hide behind my daughter's persona in the blog world. I just think you're cool that's all, and I send you all my best wishes....
Catherine (Olivia's mom)
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