May

It's been a month since my last post, so it must be time to write something new!

The past couple of months have been really hard, really long months. My kids have had some issues with sleep, sickness, and general well being. Our sheep lambed and we lost one ewe lamb, then a month later had a yearling ewe (with twins) prolapse, and then go down with pneumonia and die. It has been many, many years since I have had so little sleep and things got a bit scary around here. Sleep is not to be overrated.

During the hardest parts of the last month I did realize that part of the reason things hit me so hard when I wasn't able (not allowed, emergency disrupted, solo parenting) to sleep was because in a lot of ways I still have a public face and a private face- and when I'm exhausted I can't maintain the division between the two. I also spend a lot of time meeting other people expectations (yes, believe it or not- I'm kind of sucky at it, but I DO work to meet other people's expectations).

I don't ask for help meeting my own needs until I am so overwhelmed that everything comes out as rage. That's not a good way to get your needs met. That's a great way to lose relationships. On the positive side- it does show you who your real friends are, because they just blink at you and tell you to go take a nap. It's a great way to sort out the people who are only nice because they're polite.