Saturday, October 03, 2009

One of the topics I rarely blog about is my husband. There's a reason for that. I never wanted to say something that I would regret later or anything that might embarrass him. Our relationship was still very new and very basic. There rarely was much to say that didn't directly relate to the intimacy of our marriage. Sometimes any information is too much information so I rarely shared much about Dave in this forum.

When people would talk about difficulties in their marriage I would listen and then wonder how people got themselves to this point in their relationships. Then I would remind myself that we're still relatively newlyweds and that maybe with a few more years and miles under our belts there would be more discord in our marriage too. We've only been married since the fourth day of November in 2000.

I cannot quite wrap my mind around the fact that I'm writing this in past tense. My husband, my love, passed away very unexpectedly the night before last. He always warned me that he would not be here forever- that the men in his family are not long lived. I believed him. I did not believe that I would be a widow before I turned thirty-five. I did not believe that there would be a day when I would be raising my young sons without their father.

This morning when I woke up there was no one there. I was alone in my bed. During the course of our marriage it was very rare to ever spend a night away from each other. Some years we didn't. Even in years that Dave worked out of town we rarely spent more than 10 nights in a year apart. Most years we were separated at night for one night when Chris and I would go to a rabbit show in Kennewick and stay over.

Having consciously chosen to keep my husband (for the most part) out of my blog means that most who read here don't know much of anything about him. Let's change that.

David Larry Anderson was born in Boise, ID on June 6th in 1970 to Larry and Patricia Anderson. He grew up in the town of Nampa and attended Nampa schools, graduating from Nampa High School in 1988. He was active in Boy Scouts and even spent a few summers working at the Boy Scout Camp (need to look up where). David was always interested in being outside and spent many happy weeks camping, fishing, hiking, and shooting. His favorite activity was shooting black powder revolvers.

On Nov. 4th, 2000 David married Janet Loucks in Nampa. They welcomed their first child, Christian, on Nov. 1st, 2001. Sam joined the family in 2004, and Jake was born in 2005. David lived for his family. There was nothing he would rather do than spend time with his wife and children. He was an amazing father and husband who was always actively involved in raising and caring for his family.

Nowhere on Earth was there a kinder, gentler, man than David.

He is survived by his parents; his wife Janet; his sons Chris, Sam, and Jake; his sister and brother in law Pam and Ciro Gaona and their children Ciro and Miranda, his brother and sister-in-law Andrew Anderson and Veronica Garcia and their son Noe, His sister Katie and brother-in-law David Tuft and their children Sophia and James.

At some point this morning I need to finish the obituary for the paper. He was so vital, and warm, and so large a part of our family that I am not sure how to consolidate all that he was into a few paragraphs that his friends and family can read in the newspaper. He is and always will be my love, and my husband, and he'll always carry a very large part of my heart with him.

I have talked with the pastor about some of my wishes for a funeral. All summer I've wondered why it was I felt so driven to write about Uncle K's funeral. This week I can approach funeral arrangements having already thought out what seems to provide the most comfort for our family.

There are three main points I'd like everyone to remember while mourning the passing of our friend and loved one: We are saved through grace, God has promised us life everlasting with him, and love endures. Even when we are no longer together here on Earth- love endures.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

But where there are prophesies, they will cease; where there are tongues they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13:4-13).

Everything I know of Dave boils down to love. He loved deeply, completely, without reservation, and forever. There is no doubt in my mind that his whole heart was given to loving his family and friends, the wild outdoors areas, and freedom. Never have I doubted his love, once given it is eternal. Love endures where the physical body cannot. Even now, I feel him around us- loving us.

14 comments:

katie said...

I'm just packing my bags and waiting for the kids to wake up. I didn't think you would have posted, but I'm glad I checked. Thank-you for your beautiful words. I love you, Janet. I'm so glad that David had you to share his life with. You have so much courage and strength. I don't know if you see it now, but I see it in your words. I'll see you soon.

Susan said...

My heart is in my throat, Janet.

I'm so very sorry for your family's great loss. No words seem appropriate, except that verse is my very favorite. Your family was, is and will be surrounded by love.

Deepest sympathies and many prayers for healing.

Catherine said...

I am so sorry for your loss...your words here and on Brandy's blog are quite inspiring.

You and your family are in my prayers.

Christine Church said...

Beautiful words and thoughts. He will be sorely missed. He was kind, charming and ever soo thoughtful. His grin could make you grin all the way down to your toes :) it was infectious! He leaves behind a wonderful legacy of three little boys who inherited Dave's generosity, thoughtfulness, caring nature and soo many more traits I would run out of space to list. Best of all about Dave was he was an excellent husband, father and friend. God speed Dave for you surely are destined for those pearly gates.

Mrs. B. Roth said...

I just want to be there with you. I know you have tons of support and a crazy strong inner strength beyond anything I can imagine. I still can't wrap my head around this and I love you so much! You are amazing; how are you this amazing? It is truly an honor to know you and witness your example. I hope I can be more like you when I grow up. Love you SO much. See you soon.

j4luck said...

Janet, you may be one of the strongest women I have ever encountered. I don't know you in person, yet somehow I feel devastated for your loss. But I can hear through your words that you have unshakable faith and that is really all you need to get through this time.
I most definately believe our loved ones never leave completely, a part of him will always remain a part of all of you. And I am certain you will see him in your boys more and more as they get older and find joy in that.
I think its a great idea you had to collect stories about Dave for your kids, They will treasure those stories always. You, being so strong and secure in your beliefs, I am sure helps them through this immensely.
My heart goes out to you and your family...

j4luck said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jugglingpaynes said...

Janet, my heartfelt condolences. When I saw your comment I came right here to find out what happened. I'm am so sorry you didn't have the chance to spend more time with your true love, but from your words, I am sure you made each moment with him count.

If you have any need for a good listener, feel free to email me, anytime. My email is on my profile page. Take care of yourself. I send you lots of virtual hugs.

Peace,
Cristina

Barbara Frank said...

Oh, Janet, I'm so terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. But I'm relieved to know that you know God, and therefore you know you'll one day be reunited with your beloved husband. Until then, may God bless and keep you and your family. You're all in my prayers.

Hang in there,
Barb

Janet said...

Janet,

You don't know me, I found your blog through Barbara Frank's newsletter. May I offer my sincerest Christian sympathy. May God be with you in your time of grief.May He grant you the strength you will need.

In Christian Love,

Janet Tuininga
tuiningatreasures.blogspot.com

Tiany said...

Janet,

I am a 35 yr old homeschool mom of 4 small boys ages 2, 4, 6 and 8.

Sending a note to let you know you are being thought of and prayed for.

(((Hugs)))
Tiany

Samantha said...

My prayers are with you.

Lori said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Eryn at HomeSchooledYear.com said...

I've been stopping by your blog over the last year from time to time, and have always enjoyed reading about the bond you have with your family and the deep sense of service that you hold.

I am holding you and your boys in my heart. It is a strange feeling of community we have in the blogosphere. There is nothing that can make this better or okay, but if you need anything, please cast it out to us.

Be well, take care of yourself and your sons. Know that you are loved.

Jake camping in the living room

Jake camping in the living room