Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Repost from August 2006


The Importance of Men

Too often lately the importance of men in our lives seems to be marginalized. Yes, it is possible to support yourself and raise children without the presence of a husband, but it's not ideal. It's not ideal for you and it's not ideal for your children.

My father died when I was very young. My mother didn't have a choice when it came to being a single parent. She made good sound choices regarding her personal life before she planned on becoming a parent (yes, I was planned.... scary thought isn't it?). The hand Fate dealt her changed her options. Once my father was gone she had to think very carefully before choosing to introduce new men into my life.

I am thankful every day for my husband. It scares me sometimes to think how little control I have over whether he will live to be an old man and share my entire life with me. He is not home for very many of the boys' waking hours during the week since he leaves early every morning to work and support us in the grand manner we've become accustomed to (hard to convince little boys they don't want to eat). On the weekends it's hard to get him to leave the house. Sometimes this is a little frustrating since I'm here at home the entire flipping week. Wouldn't it be more fun to leave home and go somewhere? Anywhere? Maybe watch paint peel on the old downtown buildings? Seriously though, aren't I lucky he wants to spend as much of his time as he can with his family?

Sam is so upset these days if Dave leaves for work before Sam wakes up. How dare Daddy leave him all alone with this chopped liver person he calls Mommy? His little eyes just light up when Dave's home weekend mornings and all the kids pile into bed with us. Chris waits to tell me everything that happened at school until his dad gets home. It doesn't matter how many questions I ask, there's always something he's held back specially to tell Dad. Jake will lay across my lap while I'm trying to nurse him (after he's followed me around the house for 10 minutes making "feed me" noises) and watch his father (while biting me!) if Dave walks into the house before I'm finished nursing the little booger.

As for myself, I would go insane if I were all alone raising 3 boys without the love and support (and midnight baby wrangling) I get from my husband. I can't imagine why anyone would choose to become a single parent. What deluded soul would imagine that childrearing, so intensive for those of us in a strong relationship, would be such an easy thing to manage all alone and around full time employment. There wouldn't even be someone taking turns cooking dinner or picking children up from daycare. I understand the strong feeling of need that comes when you want a baby. I think children feel that same level of need when it comes having two parents.


Janet said...

Thankfully, work has been scarce and the pace of our life slowed down in the last two years. My kids will remember their dad being home most of their waking hours. He even went in late to work most mornings (he was self-employed) because he wanted to be here when the kids woke up. They'd spend an hour or so cuddling in his chair before he'd force himself out the door. It was rare for him to be gone past 6pm. The long work days stopped just after I first posted this.

Amy said...

Dave was a wonderful Dad and your boys will grow with the knowledge that he loved and enjoyed them so much. They will also know that if he had been given a choice he never would have left them, or you!

Eryn at HomeSchooledYear.com said...

You have written words that I feel in my very being. The strength of a man is amazing, and the value of a father is beyond words, but I am sure that you are about to become a testament to the shear determination and will of a woman. Women are made for picking up and carrying on, we were given these strengths (and challenges) by a God that trusts us with them.

Sometimes I wish he trusted us a little less. ;)

Know you are loved,

Jake camping in the living room

Jake camping in the living room